Sadness...

Well, our dreams of owning a house have been put on hold for now, like 4 years on hold. Toby's grandparents and parents hated the house, even after it got a great insperction review and after our friend Steve told them it was a good first buy for us, so they backed out. I understand some of their reasons, but I do not understand the barbaric way in which they went about it. I will have trouble trusting them in the future, but I guess it is a lesson learned.

The House...

...of my dreams? Well, it is not quite there, but it is a house, a big, affordable house, in the neighborhood we want to live in, and it is almost ours... Dreamy enough for me :)... We saw it last Saturday, put our bid on it on Labor Day (last Monday) and the bid was submitted and accepted by the next day. After the seller (bank) made their addendum and we signed it, the bank accepted our bid!!! We had the inspection today to make sure the pest and roof damage was not over the amount we stated in our Conditions and it was all good! So all we are waiting on now is for the lender to approve an FHA loan on the house (our credit is pre-approved for about 20k more than our bid was for but I guess the house has to be too) and we will be good to go! Our close date is set for October 1st if all goes to plan! I am really excited! It is 4 bed 2 bath on a corner lot (one side of the back yard on kind of a busy street but the front of the house is on the side street) it is 1,378 sq ft of fixer upper, but it could be ours in less than a month. Toby and Josh already have big plans for building a cinderblock wall along the main street side as a DIY project (I must admit the thought scares me a bit). My main goal is to get the kitchen and bathrooms up to par and then put in flooring, pergo or carpet, I'm not sure... Since we are only putting 3% down (when we were expecting to have to put 10% down and therefore have that much ready) we ar going to use the rest of the money to fix it up and pick up some (nice) second hand appliances. There are many people who are selling their barely used stuff (like the newer models that we like) for less than half of what they bought them for less than a year ago. We have already had someone offer us a never used energy star oven and microwave for $200, but since they are the wall mounted kind I would have to redo the kitchen when I want to put them in (the cabnits are falling down, so if we have the money, that will be the first room to get fixed anyways). The roof is in much better shape than we thought, it only needs 1 spot patched and then we have to get a certification to get the FHA loan. Also the front bathroom needs a new sink and the back need a new shower drop in liner. We will probably not got crazy on these two things, just the basics so they are useable. Since our married friends Josh and Kelly will be renting from us for about a year, we will probably set aside some of that money to redo all the siding on the outside of the house so it doesn't look any more patched up than it already does (dry rot, everybody's got it), but that will be a project for next year. For now all we need to do is seal up the windows with caulk so that moisture does not get inside. I'm really excited (in case you didn't notice)! We are putting this in God's hands (even though our imaginations already have us living in this house)... Wehouses fall through before our loan was pre-approved, so we know what it is to get a little disappointed, however this is the furthest we have gone in the process, so we are praying everything else goes well... Soon enough we could all be neighbors!

New Job, ADD (What's new?), and WoW overload...

So I ended up quitting my job at Bath and Body Works the day after I posted about my tiff with the sales lead... She and I probably could have resolved things but it was the Manager's lack of mediation that really got to me... I never started working with Grace, there was a hiring mix up and they over hired, since I forgot to follow up (surprise surprise) I missed out... I ended up with a job that Grace's dad set me up with doing "In Home Supportive Services" for a 37 year old lady named Mel with Systemic Lupus among other chronic conditions... It works well for me since the schedule is so flexible, I was only supposed to have like 10-15 hours a week and I was going to try to pick up a Respite job for one of the families at my church (I have experience working with kids with Autism and other special needs, so it is nice to be able to lend a hand where I can, but not something I can do full time anymore), but the week I started the other girl who was working for Mel dramatically quit... So now I work about 30 hours a week at all hours, which is okay, but now that school has begun I need help... The last set of classes that I was taking (when I started this blog in February) all got dropped because I got overwhelmed... I didn't transfer and got myself on Academic Probation... I had to go to a counselor and make an Ed-Plan that re-evaluated my goals... If all goes well, I will complete the 2 classes I signed up for this semester and complete 2 next semester and get my AA out of the way... I also need to get my FAFSA done in time for next year... Maybe if I figure out what I really want to do (Mike, my ADD mentor, told me I am too ADD to teach without taking meds so I have kind of lost some hope for that prospect) I will transfer next fall... At this point I am just discouraged and don't really care much about school... Maybe Mel is right, maybe I need to start taking meds again (no matter how off they make me feel) so I can get this stuff done... I don't even know what it is I want to do anymore... I really want to be a mom and a good wife... That is my ultimate goal right now and all I seem to care about... However, I can't seem to see the reality in that if I can't get my act together... At the moment I have a pile of dishes 2 WEEKS old that I am having trouble facing (they are the worse kind too - covered in nasty oily frosting from my cake decorating class that I loved but nearly gave up on as well because it was so time consuming) and clean laundry piled on the couch waiting to be put away, along with all sorts of other clutter that is keeping me from having a clean organized house... Everytime my house (which is typically a reflection of the way I feel inside at the time) gets like this, I retreat into World of Warcraft or a TV series or work and avoid it until Toby (or Mr. Loo - I have decided to give up the nicknames) freaks out and goes into ubercleaning mode till he is exauhsted and in a bad mood (have I mentioned he is on his feet 40 hours a week at work?)... Toby and I have been playing a lot (and I mean a lot) of WoW lately... And to make it worse, we play at our friend Jerrod's house, which means we are never home... We have gone straight over to Jerrod's after work/school for the last 3 or 4 days in a row, not getting home until midnight or later and all we do is play WoW... Our other newly-wed friends Josh and Kelly have been hanging out at Jer's playing WoW everynight too, but at least they chose to spend time together at home tonight (they logged in aroud 9pm though)... I feel like thing are unraveling... The house hunt is slow going (even though we are now pre-approved)... We really need to find one soon if we want to be able to rent a room to Josh and Kelly once their lease is up in October... I also feel like we are making a lot of plans without talking to God about them first... That is probably why things aren't going super well... We are going to a Family Life confrence in November (my mom said it saved her marraige before she and my dad even knew there was a problem) and I am hoping to do a short study from FamilyLife before the confrence with the 3 other newly wed couples in our church and any other married couples who would like to join us... It would help us a lot to get back in tune with our Father!

Househunting, Babybunting, Workwanting...

Mr. Loo and I have begun house hunting in the past couple of months... We have been outbid on 3 or 4 houses... I guess it is because we have not yet been preapproved... We are in the process, but I am missing some W-2's from '06 when I did not file taxes because I didn't make enough to bother... I have to find them in my massive amounts of paperwork unceremoniously "stored" (read: dumped) in boxes on my porch... I think my organizer needs to come pay me a visit... We have 2 bids in, on on a house with a dinky pool that needs refinishing, and one that is a house away from my best gal pal, Grace (I have given up on code names... They are dumb)... Speaking of which... Grace just spilled the news... She and her hubby of 10 months are expecting their first little one! They got married less then a month after we did and decided to start trying about a month after we did... and yet, they beat us to the punch... Lol... Not that it is any big competition (okay, yes it is... Mr.Loo and Grace's hubby compeate over everything, and so do Grace and I...) But we are so happy for them! Just gives us a reason to try somemore ;)... I also decided to apply for a second job since my first does not offer many hours (about 10 a week scheduled and opportunity for more with call in shifts where we have to basically assume we are scheduled unless the store has not made enough revenue for the day to afford us)... So I will be working with Grace but in a different department... I think I start sometime this week but I don't know if they have scheduled me yet... I have been getting migraines a lot more often, so I am not sure how this is going to work, but we shall see... I've decided to make this blog public esq since I haven't written anything too terrible in it... At present no one knows much about it... I like it when I know the people at least know about it and can read it if they want to...

A Lappy of My Very Own!

So Mr. Loo and I have been married for about 11 months now, and in those 11 months we have had a reoccurring battle over the use of his laptop... So yesterday he finally got me one of my own! Yay! Not the most romantic early anniversary present, but a quite thoughtful and useful one... It's a 14" HP and it has a built in web cam (so I can finally respond to my friend kito's video posts), it can play WoW (of most importance), and it is slim, shiney, and cute (also uber important, every thing must be kawaii)... I am hoping that this will also help me get organized a little better... On another tangent, I hired an organzation coach and she came and helped me get the hardest room in our apartment for me to clean, our bedroom, clean and uncluttered... It's very zen... but it took 3 hours and $150... I'd like her to come this week so we could keep moving, but after dropping the cash for my lappy yesterday I don't think we can for a bit... We put a bid on a house yesterday and we have to have the $ in da bank for the deposit... On another tangent, I am not sure this is the house for us, so I am officailly hoping that our bid is not chosen so we don't waste money on inspections just to pull out because of what we already know, the roof is in bad need of replacing and it will make getting an FHA loan impossible... Gay... Anyways, I love my laptop, I am trying to get organized, and I want a house that gives me butterflies, not one that I can barely remember.... WE shall see what happens...

The ADD Monster Will NOT Eat Me Alive...

So today Teh Bear (who btw is one of the most caring, yet brutally honest people I know) decided to point out that I am way too ADD to handle managing a house let alone having a house and a baby (not pregnant yet, but Mr.Loo and I have been trying, we have also begun the process of looking for and buying a house)... So I think I need an action plan here... I want to be a good wife, and I want to be a mom, so if those things are going to happen, I am going to have to get the ADD under control... I have been reading about stuff that has to do with managing ADD and I see so much that describes me, so many things I do that I thought were weird, but they are actually typical of ADDers... So now I am typical... Typically ADD... I embraced my ADD because it made me feel unique... Now I am just typical... Here are some of the random things that are not so random anymore...

"Many people with ADD make a habit of masking their poor planning skills behind the unexpected. In fact, for some, the unexpected comes as a great relief. It's not my fault I'm late now because there's a traffic accident up ahead. (Even though I would have been late anyway.)"

... "someone who avoids the task of decluttering or who appears to avoid it. They share characteristics with any of the previous categories. Procrastinators are not always lazy. They may never have learned from a role model how to be organized in the first place and have no idea where to begin And they might certainly be someone with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or a Learning Disability (LD). Figuring out where to begin, let alone understanding the steps needed to get a job done and complete it without getting distracted, or bored, can be truly challenging. Add to this their fear of "out of sight - out of mind" and there is a real potential for getting stuck with too much stuff."

..." Women are more likely to internalize - to blame themselves and to become depressed about their perceived shortcomings. Inattentive or impulsive girls often feel that "something" is wrong with them. Feelings of shame and guilt can layer themselves in to a young woman's personality as she grows up. When a woman is first diagnosed with AD/HD, she may feel relief and a temporary euphoria. She now has a name for her guilty secret. But a diagnosis does not change an ingrained personality style. After the diagnosis comes the real work. She must gain an in-depth understanding of how the AD/HD affects her own unique strengths and weaknesses."

I just want to do better... I have had my diagnosis sent up to my physician from the psychologist who diagnosed me... I contacted a local organization coach to try and get the house under control... I think I am also going to go back to a paper planner rather than my electronic planner I had on my Blackberry... I am working on it... We'll see how it goes...