I Suck...

I told myself I would keep on blogging after Motherhood struck me, but yeah, that's pretty naive of me... In recent news, our church got in at the Urban Hive!!! This is really exciting news, I get to co-work with Nanny Goats In Panties and Midlife Bloggers... I. am. so. psyched! I am adjusting back to being an active part of our community with Cohen in tow... It is great to hang out with my new pals, still working on balancing new friends and old friends, I keep singing the old girl scout song "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold" to Cohen, but I think I am really singing it to myself... I miss Gracie and Karen and Xica and Ashley... I have also been going through a bout of homesickness after a month in LA... I know we can afford to live down there, but I really miss my Mom and Dad, Brothers, Sis-in-law, and my sweet Niece and Nephew... I want Cohen to grow up with them... I know God has a plan for us, and I hope it includes us all living near each other, but I wish it was now... In other news, I have eaten some great food this week: Amazing BLT's a la Spanglish (so good I am going to have them again tonight for dinner with our proximity group) and Goat cheese, pistachio, and orange salad with Blush wine vinaigrette fashioned after a salad I really like at Matteo's... Well that's all I have time for, Cohen is stirring!

"What's This Life About?" Midtown Friends Launch Service

Yesterday we had church in the park and a "Grand Opening" style picnic... It was not warm by any means, but we managed :)...


We had art to look at


and stuff to make art laid out, a drum circle, and fair trade coffee and chocolate tastings :)...

We BBQ'd for about 65-70 people and somehow, even though we used all our meat (and meat substitutes), everyone seemed to get fed...

The music went well, and despite our worst fears, the generator stayed on through the whole service... The stories that were told really touched some hearts

as did the reverb (Becky's sermon)...

We may not see the fruit of this labor right away, but there were some real conversations had with real people seeking something to fill the void in their lives and Lord willing, they will find a home at Midtown with us :)...


This was our "Communal" art piece that really came together well I think... I had a lot of fun working on it with Becky and it turned out pretty much how we envisioned it :) Thanks to everyone who prayed for us!

What I Am Working On :)

Cultivating:

Life

Taking care of myself has never been numero uno on my priority list, but as this little life is growing inside of me, I have had to be more conscious of when and what food I put into my body... Even still, my blood sugar was elevated a consistent three points in both the 1 hr and 3 hr glucose tests :( So I have had to be even more careful by avoiding stuff with refined sugar (ie: no soda, candy, or other sweets) and spacing my intake of fructose (ie: fruit) which has been very difficult since I practically live on fruit, which is what probably got me into this mess in the first place... Too much of a good thing really can be bad :(... Toby and I have also been attending Birthing classes at Kaiser and I am signed up for pretty much every other class they offer (Breastfeeding, Newborn Care and CPR, etc.) I can't say we will ever be ready for this little one, but I think we are becoming more and more aware and prepared for him everyday...

Community

Toby and I have become part of the leadership team at a new church plant in our denomination (Evangelical Friends Church South West, aka Quakers) called Midtown Friends... We are small, but I really feel God working in our community... Many of the pics in the post below are from Midtown (mostly the "Making New Friends" part)... Our launch is coming up October 4th, so if you are the praying type, please pray that God will shine through us and show who we really are that day, an open community committed to living our lives as mission, walking as Jesus did, and being radically open and real with each other...

Forgiveness

If you click the link, it will take you to Steve Diehl's Forgiveness Ministries... Toby and I went through a seriously rough patch earlier this year, and we were able to pull through it because we focused on forgiving each other rather than rubbing our mistakes in each others faces... I am also working on some of my other relationships that have remained broken for far too long because of a lack of forgiveness and understanding... I could use some prayer for that as well...

Spirituality

I have never really fasted before this month (unless you count that 30 hour Famine we did as a youth group, which we were allowed to break early out of convenience and In N Out lol), but as we are coming up on our launch, our leadership team at Midtown decided to choose one thing to fast from while we prepare for everything God has for us... I chose to give up refined sugar (soda, candy, sweets, but not bread, because I need to eat that for baby)... I didn't feel particularly stressed about it for most of the month, but I realized I have also slipped up a few times without realizing it... I do feel however that I have become a target for spiritual attacks in other areas of my life that I have been working hard on and making progress on in these last few months... Toby gave up video games, and if you know my husband, that is huge... He has definitely struggled in this because they are his release... We have had to really rely on each other and God to get us through some times this month... We have also been reading through the book of John (another thing I have trouble with is opening up my Bible everyday)... I get behind and then get bogged down with the idea that I have to catch up... I need prayer to not get discouraged...

An Open and Real Life

Our culture is totally not used to being "Open and Real"... We hide our dirt from each other and live in our own dark squalor till there is nothing left of us... When I started hanging out in the Midtown Community, I was shocked at how real they were with each other... I was deeply depressed at the time, and became increasingly so after finding out I was pregnant with Cohen (the one thing I wished for and finally had and I was depressed about it, go figure...) I shut out the world and shut down, delving into a fantasy world where I could be what I wanted to be (yes, I'm talking about World of Warcraft)... I didn't come out of said depression until I called Becky and let her in on what had been happening, in me and in my marriage... I was open and real with her... And through that I was able to be open and real with myself and all the other people I had been shutting out... Soon after, Toby asked if we could go to Midtown for service on a Sunday night, which was followed by coffee with the gang another night, and so on... Living openly and real-ly in community... Wow... The difference was radical... Our hurt began to melt away as we became increasingly real, increasingly open... I am convinced that it is the only way to live... It's not without it's dangers, but what in life is? I feel like a renewed person, more of me than I have ever been able to be... Sure it may turn some people off, but the people who love me for me are still around... They may not "get me" right now, but it's okay because they have grace for me... And I have grace for them... I love you guys :)

Finding My Inner Pretty...

Note: This is a ramble I added in a Post Script of an e-mail to my friend Becky, so if some stuff seems like inside jokes, it might be, but I am to tired to realize it and I apologize... I just thought it was too funny to not blog about it, and since I had already written it, and since I am LAZY, I copied and pasted lol...

Background: I came home from church and fellowship tonight inspired to keep creating (our new church used art as a form of worship and I LOVE it) to add to the piece we were making this evening (it is called "hope... for a tree cut down" and it is part of our commitment to consume less and create more as a community, it is the word hope cut from old cardboard boxes decorated with "trash" or stuff people didn't want anymore and recyclables) and I was digging through a box of old magazines and papers that have been sitting in the closet on my porch for TWO YEARS when I found a purse I used to love and there was something in it... A makeup bag with over $200 worth of Bare Minerals makeup that I had thought I lost TWO YEARS ago almost to the day... Now mineral makeup does not go off because it is just powder and you use brushes in it that can be cleaned, so none of it is bad... I have since spent about $150 rebuilding my collection, and gotten some as gifts, but I have not been using makeup much at all lately... So here is a picture of what I found (this does not include all the other stuff I have though, that is 3 more bags worth) and the ramble I sent to Becky...



I realized something kinda cool about myself while I was looking at it all... I used to NEED that stuff to make me feel pretty, like I seriously thought that and used it to justify spending whole paychecks on the stuff... But I don't anymore... I have found my inner beauty in Christ! I'm not saying that there aren't days that I don't look in the mirror and say "Girl, you need to do something with that bird's nest on your head and put on some makeup cuz you look tore up" (I totally thought that tonight before church but I was running late already, and yes, my inner monologue sometimes involves ebonics) but those days are farther and fewer between than they ever have been! Praise God! I also realized that even though I am pretty disgusted with how materialistic I used to be, I have grown from it, and rather than toss out all this makeup I may not use very often anymore (don't judge me if I do this week though, it is pretty and sparkly, and I have it already lol) I can maybe use it to bless some people... I seriously now have enough makeup and professional brushes to be a semi pro makeup artist... And I have two good sized wedding parties under my belt already (one of which I was a bridesmaid in lol)... There are a lot of gals out there who can't afford a whole lot for a makeup pro to come out, so if you hear a need, let me know...

If you are in Sacramento area and need your makeup done for something, let me know... I am totally comfortable bartering services for goods (home grown veggies, art, hand made baby stuff, hand made jewelry, etc), in fact, unless you want a color that I don't have, I probably would only accept bartering as payment :) I have mostly Browns, Pearly base colors, Purples, and Green/Blues and a few pinks for eyeshadow and I use Medium Beige foundation but I have access to lighter colors because my friends are two different shades of pale (lol), and I have two sets of Medium foundation as well...I also have a ton and a half blushes and bronzers that would work for most colors and a ton of different lip colors, most never used or only used with a clean brush... and EVERYTHING except the lip stuff is Bare Minerals brand makeup... I insist on a trial run at least a couple days in advance though because I am not a professional, I just have a bit of experience, and I tried to do the last wedding without doing one and let me tell you I nearly had a panic attack trying to get the bride, five other bridesmaids of differing hues and myself all done in time for pictures... So send me an email, or leave me a comment with your email if you are interested :)

More Things I Love...

Brandon Heath - Give Me Your Eyes

Some other projects...

I have started 3 (count them 1...2...3...ah ha ha ha) new blogs to chronicle my other projects I am working on because this blog is ADD enough! Now let's just see if I can keep them all updated (probably not everyday for all of them)... There is a list in my side bar with them, but I figured I'd post a quick blurb about them here since I don't have time to write much else today...

• LenaLoo's Prayer Journal - a place where I can record and update on things I am praying for... I have given up keeping a paper journal for this because I enjoy typing far better :)
• FLYgirl in Training - inspired by a fellow SITS blogger and FLYlady.com, I decided to post publicly what I am doing to get and keep my house clean!
  
• LenaLoo's 101 in 1001 - also inspired by another blogger, I am going to make a list of 101 goals to be compleated in 1001 days and update on how I am accomplishing them...
  

Our Interview With FamilyLife and a special offer!

Okay so I promised you guys an update on our interview this morning, and I will get to that, but first I want to tell you a little bit about the ministry we are applying for... FamlilyLife Ministries is based in Little Rock, AR and they are a group committed to helping marriages and families across the US and around the world. Their biggest ministry is an event called Weekend to Remember (which I wrote a little bit about in this post and this post) and I have a special offer for my readers and friends... If you check out the link above and feel like you would like to attend a conference in the coming year, leave me a comment with your e-mail and I will send you the discount code I have for my group. You can go to any conference on any date in any city, as long as you register 10 days prior to the conference, and get an $80 discount. I encourage everyone to go! It is great for a marriage tune up, or just for inspiration! Toby and I were so moved when we attended our Weekend to Remember that we attended a staff opportunity meeting! That's what led us to our hour long interview this morning...

... Which went great! Cliff is such a nice guy... He and his wife are in the process of adopting twins right now! So exciting! Anyway, we talked with him this morning about all of the reasons we feel called to work with FamilyLife ministries (whether it is here at home, or in Little Rock where they are based) and what the process looks like... In the next couple of months we will be busy filling out the application, taking an assessment, and praying about and collecting references. Then, our paperwork will be evaluated by a new person (not Cliff) and we will then possibly be asked to attend a Ministry Preview in Little Rock February 18-22! And by the end of that trip we will be given a Yes, a No, or a Wait by FamilyLife and we will go home and then give them our answer within a week! After that, if God is still calling us to be a part of this ministry, we will attend Training, in Orlando, FL May 2-9 and learn how to raise our support (this ministry is a fully sponsored missionary organization)... In the meantime, we will stay at our jobs until we raise 80% of our support, at that time we will go back to Little Rock to do a house hunting trip and also interview for our specific placements in the office... When we raise 100% of our support we will pick up and move to Little Rock to start our ministry with FamilyLife! This is an exciting journey for us, and we know God has not let us get too comfortable here for a reason. Whether we end up in Arkansas or not, FamilyLife is part of us now and we are so thrilled to have this opportunity!

Contemplations

I am up at 4:15 am on a Monday morning because I don't know if I am supposed to be at work or not. I work at Starbucks, so yeah, 4:15 is opening time... I am half expecting a shift lead to call me in 5 minutes to tell me that I was supposed to be there 5 minutes ago to help open... They told me on Saturday that this weeks schedule had been drastically changed, but I forgot to get a copy of the new schedule, and I forgot to call yesterday to get one too... I guess it is easier for me to sit up and wait for someone to call me or for someone to answer the phone at 5 am when they open the doors to tell me I am crazy and to go to bed cuz I have to be in in a couple of hours, but this is how I choose to deal... I am going to be all messed up this week now... Oh well... In the time I been sitting here I have been reading about ADD and how it affects us women who have it... But then I got sidetracked by this beautiful North Carolina Garden Retreat that one ADDiva built for other women to have an opportunity to get away and figure out life... It's amazing! I was also going over the FamilyLife ministries page again in preparation for our phone interview on Tuesday... There is a list of qualifications that I have been reading over and answering in my head. Toby and I will go over it together tomorrow... I just wanted to note (mostly for my ADD brain) the Alan and Theda Hlavka were two of the speakers the weekend we attended the Weekend to Remember conference and they were phenomenal... I'd encourage you to listen to some of the audio broadcasts from their church in Oregon and check out Theda's book "Saying I Do Was the Easy Part"... In the meantime, pray that our interview goes well and that God's plan for us might be opened up to us shortly... By the way, I finally got ahold of someone, and I don't have to work today, so I am going to bed now :)...

New Job, Class, and So Many Other Things...

I know I haven't blogged lately, it has been crazy nutso over here! I started a new job (back at Starbucks, different store, you know I'm dreading those 4am shifts) and I also started a writing intensive 5 week English class (hence my lack of writing posts)... All the while trying to keep up with the mass of paper taking over my living room (that's why I only wanted Sunday post, but it was much less expensive to get 3 day weekends because of a promo) since I started couponing... I have stopped blowing our rent money on food (lol) and we are all caught up on bills (which I had no idea we were behind on)... I have a freezer full of meat and a pantry back on its way to being full again... Don't get me wrong, we were nowhere near going hungry, but we were using up every canned good I had in my pantry so we could buy as little as possible during those tight weeks... God really blessed us though and they didn't even seem tight!!! Isn't He good? In two weeks we will really see this hard works benefits, first double paycheck (one from Toby and one from myself) that we have had in a while... We also went to Toby's cousin Rachelle's wedding on Saturday... It was 40's themes and took place in this cute club that had a stage and booths along the side... Her dress was so perfect too! I am really happy for them! It gave us our first chance in over a month to talk to his grandparents and they are ready to bury the hatchet, which we are so happy for... It is hard when you feel like you can't talk to someone you love! We are going to go out to dinner with them sometime next week and talk... I am tired but feeling good that we are getting back on track. We went to a marriage confrence called Family Life Weekend to Remember two weekends ago and it was amazing! I mean really life changing! Toby and I were so moved that we attended a staff opportunities meeting for Family Life and decided that if God called us to it, we would be willing to pick up and move to the home base for Family Life in Little Rock, AK... Don't know if that is going to happen, but if we get the call we would begin the 1-2 year process of raising support just like our international missionary friends and then head out there... It is something we are praying about together regularly... I found two new blogs that I really enjoy reading, they have been added to my sidebar... I also somehow lost all my other blogs I had added, I don't know what happened, but somehow I didn't have a lot of them bookmarked, so if your blog was on my list and it is no longer, toss me a comment and back it will go :)... Right now I am cooking two things from Crockpot365, John McCain's Ribs and Baked Potatoes (did you know you can do em in a crockpot?!?)... I am getting hungry! Today I found a use for some of the many eggs (8 doezen!!!) I got on sale... I boiled 18 (we love us some boiled eggs here!), scrambled 2 with tomatoes for lunch, and froze 8 with a little salt in an ice cube tray and am going to freeze another 8 with a little sugar in ice cube trays for using in baking and such later... I might do more than that, but I only have room for 1 ice cube tray perched precariously in my freezer... We have enough meat in there to last us 2 or 3 months (including a free turkey!!!)... GG has really taught me how to shop... I am going to go chat with my good friend (surrogete mom is more like it) Sue to get a few more tips... Sometimes I think I am getting a stellar deal on something, but I am really not, cuz I don't really know any better... I am working on being more frugal but still feeding my hubby and I good food... It is kinda fun actually :)... I really need to fix my camera so I can post some pics of the things I have been making... It would color this blog up a bit :) I am working on making things a little less rambling (clearly not in this post lol)... Anywho, just wanted to update that we are doing well and God is taking care of us! :)

Change

Is not my friend most of the time, at least not until I warm up to it... Tonight Toby and I were talking about how awesome it would be to live more simply... No debt, living within our means, saving money, finishing school... Even to the point of selling almost everything we own and moving out of the state to someplace less expensive... We prayed about it and now I feel like it is out there... Out of our hands, out of our control... Totally in God's... That is scary to me... I know it shouldn't be, but I don't like to give up control, I am human after all... It is something I struggle with daily... Even putting things in my husband's hands and out of mine scares me... We talked about starting slowly by selling my car (our payment is pretty out of control thanks to Toby's meddling grandfather)... I am wondering if his brother will sell my Civic back to me for the cost of what he has put into it (not much like maybe $400)... His parents bought it from my parents (technically) for $500 for him but since he is going to Europe in December to be with his fiance I am hoping he will think of me before selling it to someone else... If we do decide to do that we need to talk to him soon though... I think I can handle that... Downgrading back to my old car... I didn't love it, but it is just a car... It will get me from point A to point B... And it has been taken good care of, well, except for when I had it :)... Toby and I have a bad habit of starting deep thoughtful discussions at bedtime and my mind starts going on them and I can't sleep... Like now... My head is full of "What if's" as my mom likes to call them... I can't seem to shut it off, so I figured jotting down some of my anxieties here would aleviate them... So far, not so good...

Sadness...

Well, our dreams of owning a house have been put on hold for now, like 4 years on hold. Toby's grandparents and parents hated the house, even after it got a great insperction review and after our friend Steve told them it was a good first buy for us, so they backed out. I understand some of their reasons, but I do not understand the barbaric way in which they went about it. I will have trouble trusting them in the future, but I guess it is a lesson learned.

The House...

...of my dreams? Well, it is not quite there, but it is a house, a big, affordable house, in the neighborhood we want to live in, and it is almost ours... Dreamy enough for me :)... We saw it last Saturday, put our bid on it on Labor Day (last Monday) and the bid was submitted and accepted by the next day. After the seller (bank) made their addendum and we signed it, the bank accepted our bid!!! We had the inspection today to make sure the pest and roof damage was not over the amount we stated in our Conditions and it was all good! So all we are waiting on now is for the lender to approve an FHA loan on the house (our credit is pre-approved for about 20k more than our bid was for but I guess the house has to be too) and we will be good to go! Our close date is set for October 1st if all goes to plan! I am really excited! It is 4 bed 2 bath on a corner lot (one side of the back yard on kind of a busy street but the front of the house is on the side street) it is 1,378 sq ft of fixer upper, but it could be ours in less than a month. Toby and Josh already have big plans for building a cinderblock wall along the main street side as a DIY project (I must admit the thought scares me a bit). My main goal is to get the kitchen and bathrooms up to par and then put in flooring, pergo or carpet, I'm not sure... Since we are only putting 3% down (when we were expecting to have to put 10% down and therefore have that much ready) we ar going to use the rest of the money to fix it up and pick up some (nice) second hand appliances. There are many people who are selling their barely used stuff (like the newer models that we like) for less than half of what they bought them for less than a year ago. We have already had someone offer us a never used energy star oven and microwave for $200, but since they are the wall mounted kind I would have to redo the kitchen when I want to put them in (the cabnits are falling down, so if we have the money, that will be the first room to get fixed anyways). The roof is in much better shape than we thought, it only needs 1 spot patched and then we have to get a certification to get the FHA loan. Also the front bathroom needs a new sink and the back need a new shower drop in liner. We will probably not got crazy on these two things, just the basics so they are useable. Since our married friends Josh and Kelly will be renting from us for about a year, we will probably set aside some of that money to redo all the siding on the outside of the house so it doesn't look any more patched up than it already does (dry rot, everybody's got it), but that will be a project for next year. For now all we need to do is seal up the windows with caulk so that moisture does not get inside. I'm really excited (in case you didn't notice)! We are putting this in God's hands (even though our imaginations already have us living in this house)... Wehouses fall through before our loan was pre-approved, so we know what it is to get a little disappointed, however this is the furthest we have gone in the process, so we are praying everything else goes well... Soon enough we could all be neighbors!

New Job, ADD (What's new?), and WoW overload...

So I ended up quitting my job at Bath and Body Works the day after I posted about my tiff with the sales lead... She and I probably could have resolved things but it was the Manager's lack of mediation that really got to me... I never started working with Grace, there was a hiring mix up and they over hired, since I forgot to follow up (surprise surprise) I missed out... I ended up with a job that Grace's dad set me up with doing "In Home Supportive Services" for a 37 year old lady named Mel with Systemic Lupus among other chronic conditions... It works well for me since the schedule is so flexible, I was only supposed to have like 10-15 hours a week and I was going to try to pick up a Respite job for one of the families at my church (I have experience working with kids with Autism and other special needs, so it is nice to be able to lend a hand where I can, but not something I can do full time anymore), but the week I started the other girl who was working for Mel dramatically quit... So now I work about 30 hours a week at all hours, which is okay, but now that school has begun I need help... The last set of classes that I was taking (when I started this blog in February) all got dropped because I got overwhelmed... I didn't transfer and got myself on Academic Probation... I had to go to a counselor and make an Ed-Plan that re-evaluated my goals... If all goes well, I will complete the 2 classes I signed up for this semester and complete 2 next semester and get my AA out of the way... I also need to get my FAFSA done in time for next year... Maybe if I figure out what I really want to do (Mike, my ADD mentor, told me I am too ADD to teach without taking meds so I have kind of lost some hope for that prospect) I will transfer next fall... At this point I am just discouraged and don't really care much about school... Maybe Mel is right, maybe I need to start taking meds again (no matter how off they make me feel) so I can get this stuff done... I don't even know what it is I want to do anymore... I really want to be a mom and a good wife... That is my ultimate goal right now and all I seem to care about... However, I can't seem to see the reality in that if I can't get my act together... At the moment I have a pile of dishes 2 WEEKS old that I am having trouble facing (they are the worse kind too - covered in nasty oily frosting from my cake decorating class that I loved but nearly gave up on as well because it was so time consuming) and clean laundry piled on the couch waiting to be put away, along with all sorts of other clutter that is keeping me from having a clean organized house... Everytime my house (which is typically a reflection of the way I feel inside at the time) gets like this, I retreat into World of Warcraft or a TV series or work and avoid it until Toby (or Mr. Loo - I have decided to give up the nicknames) freaks out and goes into ubercleaning mode till he is exauhsted and in a bad mood (have I mentioned he is on his feet 40 hours a week at work?)... Toby and I have been playing a lot (and I mean a lot) of WoW lately... And to make it worse, we play at our friend Jerrod's house, which means we are never home... We have gone straight over to Jerrod's after work/school for the last 3 or 4 days in a row, not getting home until midnight or later and all we do is play WoW... Our other newly-wed friends Josh and Kelly have been hanging out at Jer's playing WoW everynight too, but at least they chose to spend time together at home tonight (they logged in aroud 9pm though)... I feel like thing are unraveling... The house hunt is slow going (even though we are now pre-approved)... We really need to find one soon if we want to be able to rent a room to Josh and Kelly once their lease is up in October... I also feel like we are making a lot of plans without talking to God about them first... That is probably why things aren't going super well... We are going to a Family Life confrence in November (my mom said it saved her marraige before she and my dad even knew there was a problem) and I am hoping to do a short study from FamilyLife before the confrence with the 3 other newly wed couples in our church and any other married couples who would like to join us... It would help us a lot to get back in tune with our Father!