Saying Goodbye is the Hardest Part

I hate the feeling of being in limbo... When I'm at my parents I am "home" but then I have to leave and go to "my home" which doesn't always feel like one, especially when I'm homesick... Weird to be homesick when you are sitting in your living room, huh? Right now I am in that limbo... I am about to say goodbye to my family and even though I know I very well may be back within the month to go to Disneyland for my birthday, it is still hard... My brother likes to do this pushing away thing that always makes it harder... He means well but it always makes me feel worse... Toby and I are upset with each other because he wants to go home and I really don't... I just got to know Amy and her kids and I am not ready to say goodbye yet... I don't feel like I got to see everyone I wanted to see (but I never do, there is just not enough time in each trip)... I try to avoid the "G" word altogether by just saying "See you soon" but it doesn't work all the time... I am dreading a 6 hour drive with someone who is frustrated with me... Sometimes I suspect that Toby avoids coming down here because he hates to see me like this, he knows I would love to live close to my family, but we really can't afford it (a friend of mine just bought a house smaller than the one we almost bought this summer and it was just as much of a fixer, it cost almost 3 times as much)... I know I can't get them to move to me, and I can't imagine how hard it would be if we lived further away... THis is making me antsy, I should probably go try to enjoy the last hour I have with my family instead of holing myself up in my brothers room blogging about how bummed I am... If my fam is reading this, I love you guys and, clearly, I miss you already (and leave a stinkin' comment cuz I want to know when you read this)!