New Job, Class, and So Many Other Things...

I know I haven't blogged lately, it has been crazy nutso over here! I started a new job (back at Starbucks, different store, you know I'm dreading those 4am shifts) and I also started a writing intensive 5 week English class (hence my lack of writing posts)... All the while trying to keep up with the mass of paper taking over my living room (that's why I only wanted Sunday post, but it was much less expensive to get 3 day weekends because of a promo) since I started couponing... I have stopped blowing our rent money on food (lol) and we are all caught up on bills (which I had no idea we were behind on)... I have a freezer full of meat and a pantry back on its way to being full again... Don't get me wrong, we were nowhere near going hungry, but we were using up every canned good I had in my pantry so we could buy as little as possible during those tight weeks... God really blessed us though and they didn't even seem tight!!! Isn't He good? In two weeks we will really see this hard works benefits, first double paycheck (one from Toby and one from myself) that we have had in a while... We also went to Toby's cousin Rachelle's wedding on Saturday... It was 40's themes and took place in this cute club that had a stage and booths along the side... Her dress was so perfect too! I am really happy for them! It gave us our first chance in over a month to talk to his grandparents and they are ready to bury the hatchet, which we are so happy for... It is hard when you feel like you can't talk to someone you love! We are going to go out to dinner with them sometime next week and talk... I am tired but feeling good that we are getting back on track. We went to a marriage confrence called Family Life Weekend to Remember two weekends ago and it was amazing! I mean really life changing! Toby and I were so moved that we attended a staff opportunities meeting for Family Life and decided that if God called us to it, we would be willing to pick up and move to the home base for Family Life in Little Rock, AK... Don't know if that is going to happen, but if we get the call we would begin the 1-2 year process of raising support just like our international missionary friends and then head out there... It is something we are praying about together regularly... I found two new blogs that I really enjoy reading, they have been added to my sidebar... I also somehow lost all my other blogs I had added, I don't know what happened, but somehow I didn't have a lot of them bookmarked, so if your blog was on my list and it is no longer, toss me a comment and back it will go :)... Right now I am cooking two things from Crockpot365, John McCain's Ribs and Baked Potatoes (did you know you can do em in a crockpot?!?)... I am getting hungry! Today I found a use for some of the many eggs (8 doezen!!!) I got on sale... I boiled 18 (we love us some boiled eggs here!), scrambled 2 with tomatoes for lunch, and froze 8 with a little salt in an ice cube tray and am going to freeze another 8 with a little sugar in ice cube trays for using in baking and such later... I might do more than that, but I only have room for 1 ice cube tray perched precariously in my freezer... We have enough meat in there to last us 2 or 3 months (including a free turkey!!!)... GG has really taught me how to shop... I am going to go chat with my good friend (surrogete mom is more like it) Sue to get a few more tips... Sometimes I think I am getting a stellar deal on something, but I am really not, cuz I don't really know any better... I am working on being more frugal but still feeding my hubby and I good food... It is kinda fun actually :)... I really need to fix my camera so I can post some pics of the things I have been making... It would color this blog up a bit :) I am working on making things a little less rambling (clearly not in this post lol)... Anywho, just wanted to update that we are doing well and God is taking care of us! :)

Hard Times? Nah...

I realized last night that we are WAY over budget for this paycheck (not that we had a budget before last night, but you know, still over what we have to spend)... I downloaded a free trial of a Budget application that has a virtual envelope system set up... We will have $42 after all the bills are paid before the next check comes... That is not counting food and gas... Yikes! But we can do this... I am sure I have enough food supplies to last 2 weeks and 2 days... Though we may be mostly veggie for these 2 weeks :) In the mean time I will not be able to start my Grocery Game shopping, but I did order the local paper on weekends only (Fri, Sat, Sun) using a promo code from the MVP circular (because all I got in my regular circular were dine out and fast food Qs... grrr...), I asked to be billed for it, so I will not have to pay for 18 weeks! By then I will have the $20, but right now I just don't, but I can get started on finding the Qs (coupons) I need to play the game (it really is a game and I like it)... The only thing I am worried about is Halloween... We are hosting a small gathering, but I told everyone to bring something to eat, something to drink, and some candy (not that we ever get Trick-or-Treaters, but if it looks like a party maybe at least the neighbor kids will come get some sweets :)... I am going to make something in my crockpot... Maybe chili... I have lots of beans and some ground beef in the freezer... I have also started to think seriously about how Christmas is going to go this year... In the past we have maxed ourselves out to pay for gifts, but this year I am making food gifts for friends and family... I don't think anyone will hold that against me... Hopefully I will be able to score some good deals on candles or something to beef it up... Just looking for ways to get by, and maxing out our credit card again is just NOT the way... With friends we were thinking of doing a gift exchange, but that might even be too much for some of us (mostly newly weds) I was thinking about maybe doing an ornament exchange (bought or made) that could be really funny with our group of friends :) How do you deal with lean times around the holidays? I don't want to get down about this, I am really looking at the bright side, maybe I can use up most of my 50lbs. of powdered sugar that I bought at Costso for cake deco class and didn't make it into the 2nd class (because of time and money issues)... Hot coco anyone? :)

Grocery Game

SO I have never been into clipping coupons, I always seem to forget them if I do. But this website could change all that... The Grocery Game seems to take all the guess work out of coupon shopping... All I have to do is print the color coded lists for my stores and cut a few coupons out of the paper (the list even tells you what circular they are in)... I am going to try this out during my 4 week for $1 trial and update on how it goes... There are people on the forums for the site saving more that 66% on a bad week! I can do this to help save a little cash while I hunt for a job I think... If you link to the site and decide to give it a try, please enter my e-mail so I get my "free trial" extended :) it is my first and last name (no spaces or hyphens) @ gmail dot com... Thanks!

16 Personality Factors Results

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results Warmth 62% Intellect 62% Emotional Stability 62% Aggressiveness 62% Liveliness 70% Dutifulness 62% Social Assertiveness 70% Sensitivity 42% Paranoia 38% Abstractness 78% Introversion 34% Anxiety 42% Openmindedness 58% Independence 18% Perfectionism 42% Tension 46% Is this true or off a bit? What do you think?

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Smart Cycle ?

Well, I guess I didn't get my idea patented quick enough, but Fisher Price has developed a video game called a Smart Cycle which requires exercise to play (beyond WiiFit)... Now if only we could get one in an adult size for the men folk in our lives... I have been saying for a couple of years that if they connected WoW to a treadmill, we would all be a little more fit :)... I would totally buy one of these for my kids over XBox 360 games...

Change

Is not my friend most of the time, at least not until I warm up to it... Tonight Toby and I were talking about how awesome it would be to live more simply... No debt, living within our means, saving money, finishing school... Even to the point of selling almost everything we own and moving out of the state to someplace less expensive... We prayed about it and now I feel like it is out there... Out of our hands, out of our control... Totally in God's... That is scary to me... I know it shouldn't be, but I don't like to give up control, I am human after all... It is something I struggle with daily... Even putting things in my husband's hands and out of mine scares me... We talked about starting slowly by selling my car (our payment is pretty out of control thanks to Toby's meddling grandfather)... I am wondering if his brother will sell my Civic back to me for the cost of what he has put into it (not much like maybe $400)... His parents bought it from my parents (technically) for $500 for him but since he is going to Europe in December to be with his fiance I am hoping he will think of me before selling it to someone else... If we do decide to do that we need to talk to him soon though... I think I can handle that... Downgrading back to my old car... I didn't love it, but it is just a car... It will get me from point A to point B... And it has been taken good care of, well, except for when I had it :)... Toby and I have a bad habit of starting deep thoughtful discussions at bedtime and my mind starts going on them and I can't sleep... Like now... My head is full of "What if's" as my mom likes to call them... I can't seem to shut it off, so I figured jotting down some of my anxieties here would aleviate them... So far, not so good...

Sarah Palin is a good sport...

Since NBC doesn't allow YouTube to post the skit, here is a link to an article that has Sarah Palin's performance on SNL this weekend embedded. I thought she was a great sport and showed Tina Fey up :).

Small Victories

My friend and ADD mentor, Mike, has been consistently reminding me that I need to set myself up for small victories that will lead up to larger ones. One of those is finding a job, any decent job right now, while I try to figure out what my career goal is. I need to finish classes (I will be taking the short term class starting in November so I will not have completely wasted this semester). Tomorrow I am going to go talk to my former counselor (if I can get in to see her for a second) to request my records and figure out what to do once I get home. I am also going to work on fixing my eating and sleeping habits. Going to bed before 1am should not really be a problem, but it so often is because I sleep so late. I know I am perfectly capable of getting out of bed at a decent hour because I did it everyday at Faith's house, we got up around 8 am (and that is late, the boys get up at 6), but the latest I went to bed most nights was 11 or 12. I also need to begin a regular eating routine. I am terrible. I tend to not eat until I am really really hungry, and then I grab whatever is convenient (junk usually). I am working on outfitting my (small albeit) kitchen with stuff that will make it easy for me to make the healthy choices I should be. If Faith can manage 3 squares a day for the boys, Nathan, and herself, I can too :) - I am not comparing myself or anything, I just find her to be a good inspiration for the kind of person I would like to be. I am going to use my Bento boxes to help inspire me to get off my butt (or out of bed) and eat something healthy and creative. I find a good amount of inspiration from Biggie over at Lunch in a Box as well :).

So my goals I am going to be working on when I get back are:

• Find a job (about 20 hours a week) and ask for a regular set schedule
• Eat at least 3 times a day and make healthy choices
  
• Get up by 9am and go to bed before 1am (starting small here)
  
• Go to Family Life with Toby (I know I really didn't talk about that before, but it is a goal)

Help keep me accountable! :)

Doing Better

I am currently visiting my friend Faith (from Blessed Quietness) and her husband and 5 boys in the desert :). I traveled down with her sis, who was my friend first, Grace and her husband David. It has been an eventful couple of days :). We drove all night on Friday got to their house Saturday at 4:30 am and left for the Miramar air show at 6:30 am after a short nap. We were there all day! The boys did so well! They love jets so much (even Issac who does not like their noise but still loves them - especially Fat Albert who flys the Blue Angels "because he is so quiet"). We went to church Sunday and watched the football game. Then we spent today doing school and seeing what Faith does every day (she is a strong woman, I will tell you that).
Edit: We had some fun with tatoos too!





All the boys showing off their tattooed muscles! How strong! Even baby John looks tougher with Batman tattooed on his chest! Tomorrow we will say goodbye and Grace and David will drop me off in LA at my parents house. I am going to Knott's Halloween Haunt to see my little brother at work (I may wet my pants when we go through his maze, I do not like to be scared). I will be there until the 16th! 8 days at home will be the longest stay I have had since I got engaged! I hope to see my friend Dano and my little cousin Mika and the rest of the family if they have time. I miss them a lot. I will probably update again before heading home :).

How Lucky We Are by Meiko

One day we'll get outta this [old] apartment
One day is all it takes for things to turn around now
All I know is I got you and you got me, babe

And when that morning comes
I'll make coffee and you'll read the paper
We'll talk about our plans
And I'll keep saying how lucky we are

One day we'll get in the car and drive anywhere we wanna go
And then we'll stay in a five star, mini-bar, luxury hotel room
Cuz all I know is I got you and you got me, babe

And when that morning comes
I'll make coffee and you'll read the paper
We'll talk about our plans
And I'll keep saying how lucky we are

How lucky we are, oh oh oh
How lucky we are, oh oh oh
How lucky we are, oh oh oh
How lucky we are, are, are...

One day we'll turn on the tv and we won't see nothing 'bout war
And when that morning comes
I'll make coffee and you'll read the paper
We'll talk about our plans
And I'll keep saying how lucky we are

How lucky, how lucky we are
Oh how lucky, how lucky, how lucky we are
Oh how lucky, how lucky, how lucky we are
Oh how lucky, how lucky, how lucky we are

Sadness...

Well, our dreams of owning a house have been put on hold for now, like 4 years on hold. Toby's grandparents and parents hated the house, even after it got a great insperction review and after our friend Steve told them it was a good first buy for us, so they backed out. I understand some of their reasons, but I do not understand the barbaric way in which they went about it. I will have trouble trusting them in the future, but I guess it is a lesson learned.

Wordy Posts... An Apology...

If anyone out there reads this blog and thinks, "Man, that girl talks too much!" I beg of you to please remember that I began this blog thinking no one in particular would read it... I keep writing in it mainly to help remember some of the things that have happened or just some of my random, fleeting, ADD thoughts... If you read it, thanks a bunch, I like hearing from people :) But if you don't, well, that's okay too :)...

The House...

...of my dreams? Well, it is not quite there, but it is a house, a big, affordable house, in the neighborhood we want to live in, and it is almost ours... Dreamy enough for me :)... We saw it last Saturday, put our bid on it on Labor Day (last Monday) and the bid was submitted and accepted by the next day. After the seller (bank) made their addendum and we signed it, the bank accepted our bid!!! We had the inspection today to make sure the pest and roof damage was not over the amount we stated in our Conditions and it was all good! So all we are waiting on now is for the lender to approve an FHA loan on the house (our credit is pre-approved for about 20k more than our bid was for but I guess the house has to be too) and we will be good to go! Our close date is set for October 1st if all goes to plan! I am really excited! It is 4 bed 2 bath on a corner lot (one side of the back yard on kind of a busy street but the front of the house is on the side street) it is 1,378 sq ft of fixer upper, but it could be ours in less than a month. Toby and Josh already have big plans for building a cinderblock wall along the main street side as a DIY project (I must admit the thought scares me a bit). My main goal is to get the kitchen and bathrooms up to par and then put in flooring, pergo or carpet, I'm not sure... Since we are only putting 3% down (when we were expecting to have to put 10% down and therefore have that much ready) we ar going to use the rest of the money to fix it up and pick up some (nice) second hand appliances. There are many people who are selling their barely used stuff (like the newer models that we like) for less than half of what they bought them for less than a year ago. We have already had someone offer us a never used energy star oven and microwave for $200, but since they are the wall mounted kind I would have to redo the kitchen when I want to put them in (the cabnits are falling down, so if we have the money, that will be the first room to get fixed anyways). The roof is in much better shape than we thought, it only needs 1 spot patched and then we have to get a certification to get the FHA loan. Also the front bathroom needs a new sink and the back need a new shower drop in liner. We will probably not got crazy on these two things, just the basics so they are useable. Since our married friends Josh and Kelly will be renting from us for about a year, we will probably set aside some of that money to redo all the siding on the outside of the house so it doesn't look any more patched up than it already does (dry rot, everybody's got it), but that will be a project for next year. For now all we need to do is seal up the windows with caulk so that moisture does not get inside. I'm really excited (in case you didn't notice)! We are putting this in God's hands (even though our imaginations already have us living in this house)... Wehouses fall through before our loan was pre-approved, so we know what it is to get a little disappointed, however this is the furthest we have gone in the process, so we are praying everything else goes well... Soon enough we could all be neighbors!

Homeschooling?

I have been told that I have the gift of teaching, but I have also been told that my ADD may be too great to actually be a conventional teacher. Mind you, I have been an education major for almost 4 years now (I am nowhere near getting my BA or credentials though). I f I am to ADD to teach in a public classroom, would I be able, with the help of other homeschooling parents, to home school my own children? I plan on completing my degree, not sure if I will go through the credentialing process, but I will have the general knowledge needed to teach elementary aged students. I can't really think of a career in which I could use a general education degree, but I know that I want to obtain my BA that I have been working towards for over 6 years now. I have all these ideas about how I would teach unconventionally and still have my students meet grade level standards (although the CA state "standards" are not even at grade level these days, the high school exit exam for example is based on something like 7th grade level knowledge). One example of unconventional learning would be to set up a classroom government when teaching 5th grade history (of course you would need a good sized class), I attempted to student lead this in my 5th grade classroom (surprisingly my teacher allowed me to), but because of my disorganization (come on I was only a 5th grader) and lack of time (we only had an hour per day in this class) it did not get the point across successfully. Another would be to use the game Civilization as a teaching tool for teaching World Civ (I am actually working on a lesson plan for implementing this on the college level for my World Civ instructor this semester). I really like the idea of using the World Wide Web as a virtual assistant in the "classroom" - kids spend 44 hours a week doing "media multi-tasking" (surfing the web, watching tv, playing video games, and listening to music) so they are on it anyway, might as well give them something fun and purposeful to do with it. My generation was one of the first to grow up with home computers (our first was an old Mac, back when they were still reffered to as "Apples," that the school disctric let their teachers (like my mom) take home for the summer so they could learn how to use them. I think I was in 1st or 2nd grade. I remember the only thing it had on it was Print Shop Delux :). My neighbor, who had a PC, made DOS based catsle RPGs. The first computer games I played were Oregon Trail and SimAnt. Both were educational at heart. In Jr. High, the World Wide Web came into our home (after much pleading with my parents). I was very into IMing. While it was a bit of a distraction, I think my generation has benifited from having such an instant link to people and information, but it has also harmed us. Cyber crime is prevolent, which was not really something that our parents worried about when they first heard the delightful sounds of "You got mail" chiming from our computers every few minutes, at the time their biggest concern was that we were tying up the only phone line. However, many groups have been devoted to keeping children safe on the web today and keeping it for what it is intended for, gaining knowledge and staying in touch. Besides, as an adult who grew up as the Internet did, I know what dangers lie lurking in cyberspace and I am better equipped to keep my kids away from them then my parents were when I was learning how to use the computer at a much faster rate then they were (as kids often do). As I get older and technology advances, I know I will soon be in the place my parents were with new wonders and dangers out there waiting for my kids. Hopefully I will be able to keep up with everything. Wow, I really got off on a tangent there. I guess the main point I was trying to get across is that I am not sure where my future will take me, but I really feel like teaching is in it somewhere, no matter if it is conventional or not. I'd like to hear from you homeschooling parents out there. How much of a role does the net play or will it eventually play in your homeschool program?

New Job, ADD (What's new?), and WoW overload...

So I ended up quitting my job at Bath and Body Works the day after I posted about my tiff with the sales lead... She and I probably could have resolved things but it was the Manager's lack of mediation that really got to me... I never started working with Grace, there was a hiring mix up and they over hired, since I forgot to follow up (surprise surprise) I missed out... I ended up with a job that Grace's dad set me up with doing "In Home Supportive Services" for a 37 year old lady named Mel with Systemic Lupus among other chronic conditions... It works well for me since the schedule is so flexible, I was only supposed to have like 10-15 hours a week and I was going to try to pick up a Respite job for one of the families at my church (I have experience working with kids with Autism and other special needs, so it is nice to be able to lend a hand where I can, but not something I can do full time anymore), but the week I started the other girl who was working for Mel dramatically quit... So now I work about 30 hours a week at all hours, which is okay, but now that school has begun I need help... The last set of classes that I was taking (when I started this blog in February) all got dropped because I got overwhelmed... I didn't transfer and got myself on Academic Probation... I had to go to a counselor and make an Ed-Plan that re-evaluated my goals... If all goes well, I will complete the 2 classes I signed up for this semester and complete 2 next semester and get my AA out of the way... I also need to get my FAFSA done in time for next year... Maybe if I figure out what I really want to do (Mike, my ADD mentor, told me I am too ADD to teach without taking meds so I have kind of lost some hope for that prospect) I will transfer next fall... At this point I am just discouraged and don't really care much about school... Maybe Mel is right, maybe I need to start taking meds again (no matter how off they make me feel) so I can get this stuff done... I don't even know what it is I want to do anymore... I really want to be a mom and a good wife... That is my ultimate goal right now and all I seem to care about... However, I can't seem to see the reality in that if I can't get my act together... At the moment I have a pile of dishes 2 WEEKS old that I am having trouble facing (they are the worse kind too - covered in nasty oily frosting from my cake decorating class that I loved but nearly gave up on as well because it was so time consuming) and clean laundry piled on the couch waiting to be put away, along with all sorts of other clutter that is keeping me from having a clean organized house... Everytime my house (which is typically a reflection of the way I feel inside at the time) gets like this, I retreat into World of Warcraft or a TV series or work and avoid it until Toby (or Mr. Loo - I have decided to give up the nicknames) freaks out and goes into ubercleaning mode till he is exauhsted and in a bad mood (have I mentioned he is on his feet 40 hours a week at work?)... Toby and I have been playing a lot (and I mean a lot) of WoW lately... And to make it worse, we play at our friend Jerrod's house, which means we are never home... We have gone straight over to Jerrod's after work/school for the last 3 or 4 days in a row, not getting home until midnight or later and all we do is play WoW... Our other newly-wed friends Josh and Kelly have been hanging out at Jer's playing WoW everynight too, but at least they chose to spend time together at home tonight (they logged in aroud 9pm though)... I feel like thing are unraveling... The house hunt is slow going (even though we are now pre-approved)... We really need to find one soon if we want to be able to rent a room to Josh and Kelly once their lease is up in October... I also feel like we are making a lot of plans without talking to God about them first... That is probably why things aren't going super well... We are going to a Family Life confrence in November (my mom said it saved her marraige before she and my dad even knew there was a problem) and I am hoping to do a short study from FamilyLife before the confrence with the 3 other newly wed couples in our church and any other married couples who would like to join us... It would help us a lot to get back in tune with our Father!

Holodeck I

So my dear nerdy hubby has gotten me into watching Star Trek: Voyager - mind you, this is something I have fought against tooth and nail since high school, it's a new low, right down there with playing the WoW TCG, even WoW itself... But since I have been assimilated into the Nerd Collective, I have begun to accept and even embrace this intricate world of Sci-Fi/Fantasy... When I was coming out of anesteseia after my appendectomy I imagined I was being held captive by the Kazon and being innterogated, but really it was just the recovery room nurses in their brown scrubs and my mother-in-law (an off duty nurse from that same ward) telling me to breathe every couple of seconds... Just now as I lay restless in bed next to my ailing hubby (migraine) I began to imagine what kinds of Holodeck programs I would enjoy if I were stuck on Voyager... I concluded that along with a great resort program (Maui maybe?) I would love to have HoloMusicals! Les Miserables, Phantom, Moulin Rouge (okay I know it's a movie, but it has music and it is my all time fav), Across the Universe, Jekyll and Hyde... My list could go on and on... I mean really, why haven't we come up with something like that, where someone could be the star of their own virtual musical or movie??? Of course there would be the issue of copywrites and such in the here and now, but in the future? Who knows? Okay nerd rant over...

Somethings Missing...

On Thursday I had a bad day... A really bad day... I was supposed to be planning and packing for 2 weeks away from home, one week visiting the fam in SoCal with Mr.Loo (who finally has more than 3 consecutive days off to go down) and the next week at the camp my brother is working at (where Mr. Loo and I actually met) as a high school camp counselor... I got up way too late, started washing dishes (the pile had completely overtaken my kitchen), managed to break both of my favorite crystal toasting glasses that Mr. Loo and I had used on our 1 year anniversary (which was on the 15th), could not find the broom to save my life, blocked off the kitchen so the cats could not get in, and left the apartment in a frustrated upheaval... I went to Ross to get a pair of jeans and some other colder weather clothing for camp, found a few good deals, but got talked out of them by my hubby who conveniently called on his lunchbreak to tell me we just have enough extra cash for the gas to get down and to eat so not to buy anything until he gets paid by direct deposit on Thursday... Bah... Then I headed to Target (ignoring the warning I got)... I have this habit at Target which is almost therapeutic, I go in without grabbing a basket (because I am "just looking"), hit the dollar section, go back and grab a hand basket, fill it up in said section, then proceed with a far too heavy hand basket through the rest of the store just so I can have the pleasure of carrying my "wants" around with me, when I finally get to what I need (that day it was a small gift for my little cousin who I would be seeing before payday and toothbrush covers for traveling), I realize that I do not have enough room in my basket and go put my "wants" back (but on those days when I have no willpower, I just go get a bigger basket), this time I only ended up with what I could've carried in my two hands in the first place... I was starting to feel nauseous and I thought it was because it was hot, I had a migraine coming on and because I hadn't eaten anything that day... I went to my fav little cafe and had half sandwich half salad and lactose free, lowfat, oreo fro-yo (a guilty pleasure that won't kill me)... I ate most of it but I couldn't finish my fro-yo... I went home and felt so dizzy that I just plopped down on the bean bag chair of death (the one thing that I hate that the hubby refuses to part with - it spends most of it's life taking up half of his closet but when my parents came up for the 4th of July he pulled it out because there was no place else for him to sit, the problem with that thing is that once it comes out it is almost impossible for me to get him to put it away) and passed out... Mr. Loo came home from work at 6pm all jazzed to go see The Dark Knight (he and his best friend are obsessed, and that is being poliet) but I did not feel like going right at that moment (his buddy had been there since 4pm for a midnight showing) so I stayed home while he went to "moviegate" (you get the picture)... When he called at quarter to 10 I told him I didn't know if I was up to going and he sounded like someone had just shot his dog in front of him... So being a good supportive wife, I musterd up the last ounces of my strength and drove to the theater... I slouched in the theater seats watching Heath Leadger's final big screen performance, grimicing as the person next to me jumped at every bang and tried not to puke by covering my head during handheld camera scenes... At one point I felt so sick and bloated that I covered myself with a jacket and unbuttoned my jeans... By the end of the film I thought I was going to explode, Mr. Loo was so into the movie that he didn't notice how much pain I was in... I wouldn't let him stay to see if there were any post movie trailers (another fav pastime of theirs) and rushed out of the theater into the bathroom, but I couldn't go... I came out crying and Mr. Loo asked me to rate my pain from 1 to 10 (his mom is a nnurse, it is common vocab in his family) I told him it was an 8 and he said that was to high and took me to the ER... I hate hospitals, really, I hate them... But something has to be said for our timing... I did not have to wait too long before they took me back and gave me some pain meds (the IV hurt as much as my stomach pain)... The nurse started running down a list of questions and had me take a pregnancy test, which filled my mind with possible problems (endoscopic or fallopian pregnancy, bladder problems, ovaries malfunctioning) but nowhere on that list was anything about my appendix... I have never taken anatomy and no one in my family has had an appendectomy (that I can think of) so I had no basis of knowledge on the subject (that and I would not let Mr. Loo call his mom who had just gotten off shift and left the hospital, and I didn't want to get her all worked up when we didn't know what was wrong yet)... The nurse was nice, and checked on me a lot, I was drugged though so I couldn't tell how long I was waiting... The doctor finally came and Mr. Loo realized it was the doctor who misdiagnosed a raging throat infection that he had had three years prior (he did not tell me until later thankfully) the doc ordered tests (bloodwork, X-Rays, CAT scans) and would have misdiagnosed me as just being "blocked up" if he hadn't had a radiologist read the CAT scan, my appendix was swollen around my bowel and everything was stuck inside my stomach... I waited in the ER for an OR to open up... 11 hours later I was taken up to the OR wing (where I laid in the hallway on the gurney for another 45 mins) luckily the OR is right next to where my mom-in-law works (in the recovery room) and they let her come up with me to keep me company... I had to pee (cuz they were loading me up with fluids and antibiotics) and so she wheeled me into the recovery room bathroom... How a family member got away with all that I have no idea, I guess I am just lucky lol... I don't even remember what happened next because I think they put me out in the hallway... I woke up (after a delusion of being trapped by the Kazon Nisstrem - man have I ever become a hard core nerd) in the recovery room with mom-in-law reminding me to breathe and all her nurse friends checking on me... They wheeled me to the building my father in law was in just last week and a bunch of people came to visit me... I was surprised they let eveyone in... I was sad when they booted them out though, I didn't want to be there alone... My roommate was this funny lil lady that reminded me of my Great Aunt Rae because of her spark and spirit... She said the lady who had been in the room the previous two days had snored and kept the TV on even when she was sleeping... I guess mom-in-law had turned off the TV when I was taken in because I remember Sponge Bob being there and then he was gone... The lady (whose name I later found was Berneice) was kinda sassy and told the nurse I didn't need my light on... The guy was like "well that's her choice, isn't it?" I told him it was fine and I could use the rest... All night I had to keep bugging the nurses to unstrap me from my leg massaging things at the end of my bed so I could use the restroom... In the morning I was up at 6am and so was Bernice... I had a nice long talk with her and told her it was our job to tell the nurses if we needed something... She had purposfully pulled out her IV line during the night because it was making her have to go so often... So I made it my duty to talk her into letting them put one back in so she could go home asap... She was so spunky and funny once she had some sleep... We even got a nurse to bring her some coffee (contraband in the wing we were in apparently)... I coundn't believe that she was 91 years old! I made sure to do everything the nurses told me to do so I could go home... I walked 4 times before the doctor came to see me and they had moved me up to eating saltines so I was eating "solids"... I was not hungry, but I ate 3/4 of my french toast and ate most of the apple sauce for breakfast... They let me go home about 10 am... Berniece was bummed when I left but I think her doctor was coming to see her soon... We drove home, but my tummy still felt bloated... I decided to avoid the stairs to my apartment and had Mr. Loo take me to his Nana's house instead... It took me like 20 hours to poop! Once I did though I felt much much better... I spent the rest of the day there and finally came back to our apartment... I need some patience though because the apartment is too small for me to walk around it... Hopefully we can still go to SoCal tomorrow (doctor said I can travel, but said no to camp)... I am really bummed about not being there for the girls or getting to see my brother, but it could have happened while I was there, I guess I better just count my blessings...

Edit: Also found I am allergic to Vicoden... Fun...

Eww... Icky Meds...

I finally went to the doctors because my migraines have gotten ridiculous and she gave me Nortriptyline and Maxolt... The Maxolt works fine, but the Nortriptyline is apparently affecting me adversely... I am supposed to take it daily and increase the dose weekly... This week I have just taken the first dose and I have had mood swings since the moment I began taking it... I have been really thirsty and super hungry... I've felt weak and tired when I should be feeling my best because I have been eating better and drinking a ridiculous amount of water and walking almost every day outside for like 2 hours... I got into it with one of my sales leads yesterday and I don't think we would have had an issue at all if I wasn't so spacy and moody... I didn't go in today because I am waiting for my doctor to call me back and tell me to come in or not... I am feeling really off and I don't really want to keep working at a job that makes me feel like I am not worth what I am... I do, however need to keep this job while we work on buying a house... Not the best reason to stay at a job I am not happy in... I remember why I left to begin with... Hopefully if I stop taking the meds the headaches will stay at bay and I will get back to my normal peppy self... Plus my mom and dad are on their wy into town right now... That'll be good for me I think...

It's Hairspray!

On Saturday I went to the city to see Hairspray with Grace, her mother and sister-in-law and the girls from their church... It was fantastic! I must admit I liked the stage show way better than the movie! I can't help it, it is in my blood... The theater was beautiful and we actors were awesome! The best performers in my opinion were Little Inez, Link, and Motormouth... The others were fantastic, don't get me wrong, I just felt like these three stole the show whenever they opened their mouths to sing :)... Afterwards we walked 8 blocks to the Cheesecake Factory (they wanted to drive, but after paying $20 for each of our 3 cars to park near the theater I vetoed driving and offered people flip flops and flats that I had in my car so we could walk)... It was nice when we walked over after the matinee, but after a 2 hour wait for a table for 13 and poor service, we didn't leave until like 9... We got some very unnecessary attention walking back... But Grace's mother-in-law said, "They don't want to mess with me and my bolsa (purse), I could hurt someone with it!" I cracked up! It was a great day and I felt special getting to be there when Grace shared her special news with her in-laws and the other girls...

Househunting, Babybunting, Workwanting...

Mr. Loo and I have begun house hunting in the past couple of months... We have been outbid on 3 or 4 houses... I guess it is because we have not yet been preapproved... We are in the process, but I am missing some W-2's from '06 when I did not file taxes because I didn't make enough to bother... I have to find them in my massive amounts of paperwork unceremoniously "stored" (read: dumped) in boxes on my porch... I think my organizer needs to come pay me a visit... We have 2 bids in, on on a house with a dinky pool that needs refinishing, and one that is a house away from my best gal pal, Grace (I have given up on code names... They are dumb)... Speaking of which... Grace just spilled the news... She and her hubby of 10 months are expecting their first little one! They got married less then a month after we did and decided to start trying about a month after we did... and yet, they beat us to the punch... Lol... Not that it is any big competition (okay, yes it is... Mr.Loo and Grace's hubby compeate over everything, and so do Grace and I...) But we are so happy for them! Just gives us a reason to try somemore ;)... I also decided to apply for a second job since my first does not offer many hours (about 10 a week scheduled and opportunity for more with call in shifts where we have to basically assume we are scheduled unless the store has not made enough revenue for the day to afford us)... So I will be working with Grace but in a different department... I think I start sometime this week but I don't know if they have scheduled me yet... I have been getting migraines a lot more often, so I am not sure how this is going to work, but we shall see... I've decided to make this blog public esq since I haven't written anything too terrible in it... At present no one knows much about it... I like it when I know the people at least know about it and can read it if they want to...

He's There, The Phantom of the Opera

Just a quick post tonight... Went to see Phantom with two of my best gals and their guys... It was amazing! Loved the Phantom, Christine was okay, Meg could have been better, but who am I to judge, they put on a fantastic show! Went to dinner before and to dessert at this fab little dinner that only serves desserts... So much fun, I only wish all of our friends had gone, I felt bad talking about it when other people who hadn't responded to me quick enough when we were buying tickets were around... I loved every minute of tonight (well, except for the part where the girls had to take off the heels and run 6 blocks in 4 minutes to make curtain)... All in all a fantastic night...

A Lappy of My Very Own!

So Mr. Loo and I have been married for about 11 months now, and in those 11 months we have had a reoccurring battle over the use of his laptop... So yesterday he finally got me one of my own! Yay! Not the most romantic early anniversary present, but a quite thoughtful and useful one... It's a 14" HP and it has a built in web cam (so I can finally respond to my friend kito's video posts), it can play WoW (of most importance), and it is slim, shiney, and cute (also uber important, every thing must be kawaii)... I am hoping that this will also help me get organized a little better... On another tangent, I hired an organzation coach and she came and helped me get the hardest room in our apartment for me to clean, our bedroom, clean and uncluttered... It's very zen... but it took 3 hours and $150... I'd like her to come this week so we could keep moving, but after dropping the cash for my lappy yesterday I don't think we can for a bit... We put a bid on a house yesterday and we have to have the $ in da bank for the deposit... On another tangent, I am not sure this is the house for us, so I am officailly hoping that our bid is not chosen so we don't waste money on inspections just to pull out because of what we already know, the roof is in bad need of replacing and it will make getting an FHA loan impossible... Gay... Anyways, I love my laptop, I am trying to get organized, and I want a house that gives me butterflies, not one that I can barely remember.... WE shall see what happens...

The ADD Monster Will NOT Eat Me Alive...

So today Teh Bear (who btw is one of the most caring, yet brutally honest people I know) decided to point out that I am way too ADD to handle managing a house let alone having a house and a baby (not pregnant yet, but Mr.Loo and I have been trying, we have also begun the process of looking for and buying a house)... So I think I need an action plan here... I want to be a good wife, and I want to be a mom, so if those things are going to happen, I am going to have to get the ADD under control... I have been reading about stuff that has to do with managing ADD and I see so much that describes me, so many things I do that I thought were weird, but they are actually typical of ADDers... So now I am typical... Typically ADD... I embraced my ADD because it made me feel unique... Now I am just typical... Here are some of the random things that are not so random anymore...

"Many people with ADD make a habit of masking their poor planning skills behind the unexpected. In fact, for some, the unexpected comes as a great relief. It's not my fault I'm late now because there's a traffic accident up ahead. (Even though I would have been late anyway.)"

... "someone who avoids the task of decluttering or who appears to avoid it. They share characteristics with any of the previous categories. Procrastinators are not always lazy. They may never have learned from a role model how to be organized in the first place and have no idea where to begin And they might certainly be someone with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or a Learning Disability (LD). Figuring out where to begin, let alone understanding the steps needed to get a job done and complete it without getting distracted, or bored, can be truly challenging. Add to this their fear of "out of sight - out of mind" and there is a real potential for getting stuck with too much stuff."

..." Women are more likely to internalize - to blame themselves and to become depressed about their perceived shortcomings. Inattentive or impulsive girls often feel that "something" is wrong with them. Feelings of shame and guilt can layer themselves in to a young woman's personality as she grows up. When a woman is first diagnosed with AD/HD, she may feel relief and a temporary euphoria. She now has a name for her guilty secret. But a diagnosis does not change an ingrained personality style. After the diagnosis comes the real work. She must gain an in-depth understanding of how the AD/HD affects her own unique strengths and weaknesses."

I just want to do better... I have had my diagnosis sent up to my physician from the psychologist who diagnosed me... I contacted a local organization coach to try and get the house under control... I think I am also going to go back to a paper planner rather than my electronic planner I had on my Blackberry... I am working on it... We'll see how it goes...

Relay for Life 2008

On April 5th, 1,800 participants raised over $72,000 in the fight to find a cure and raise awareness for cancer. Our team of 9, The Rockstars, raised over $1,000 prior to the Relay and helped raise about another $1,000 during the day of the Relay with the events our captain and ACS committee member, Pinkie, was in charge of. We walked the track at UC Davis all day only taking a break for the Luminaria ceremony, which honored those who have survived their battle and memorialized those who did not. Thank you for your donations, prayers, and participation. Next year, we will set our bar higher and raise even more to find a cure!
~Lena Loo

Click here to visit my personal page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
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Click here to view the team page for Rockstars!
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TV, A Buddy, and April Fools: A Ramble, Because I Really Really Need To...

There is nothing quite so soothing as watching TV... I love the mindless act... Mr. Loo hates it... I even love the simple cleansing act of purging my DV-R... TV is a whole new phenomena since the creation of TiVo and DV-R... I love it... I can sift through all the shows I like and leave the rest of the junk or shuffle through it, I can even fast forward through commercials! Whoever said that everything that could be invented had already been is stupid... It is theraputic in it's calming way... Mr. Loo and I have a new buddy in our lives, I shall call him Teh Bear (Teh because he's a game nerd like me and Mr. Loo and Bear because that part of what his mama calls him endearingly)... Teh Bear is the first guy friend I have let myself have (without him being attached to one of my girlfriends, and therefore a friend by default) he's like my brother now... He has also become one of Mr. Loo's best friends too... The three of us have become so close that it has gotten awkward (not like you'd think, but everyone else thinks it is like that too)... That boy sends more mixed signals as a friend than any other boy I have been friends with (even more than my friend that I liked and thought liked me but shot me down and didn't tell me that it was because he was gay until like 4 years later lol)... I just had an extra ADD American Idol moment... I <3 Carly Smithson and David Archuleta... Jason Castro is not very bright but he is beautiful... moving on... Teh Bear makes me laugh and smile but he also makes me crazy! Tonight we were playing Settler's of Catan with a bunch of friends and since Mr. Loo (who is typically the object of his gaming rage) was not there playing, Teh Bear singled me out as the only target to destroy... It would be hilarious if he was not so damn evil about it! He was picking on me mercilessly in the game and in everything else he said to me or about me... I was really angry (ANGRY PANDA!!!) but I called him to tell him that he almost made me cry and to find out if he was really mad at me (since he denied my "No Hard Feelings" side hug when we left the house) and he acted like nothing was wrong (frustating!!!) men are more drama then women, I swear... Mr. Loo was sad that I didn't stay mad at Teh Bear for longer because it takes the heat off of him, lol, but it is easier to stay mad at someone you love a lot because they will always forgive you... Okay another Idol ADD... David Archuleta (my lil sweetie, I know I've become one of those pervy older women coveting a sweet youngin like him lol not really, but that's what I sounded like there) sang a Rebecca St. James song (You're the Voice)! That is so gutsy and awesome! Wow that really was a long ADD break (like a half hour)... Amanda Overmyer has Bride of Frankenstein hair... I played a really mean joke on my Mom for April Fools Day... I told her I was pregnant... She flipped out... It almost topped the April Fools when I was 19 and my boyfriend at the time conspired with me to fool my parents into thinking he was going to propose to me... I thought the taco meat she was chopping was going to be pulverized... I justified this years joke because I felt like God had played an April Fools joke on me... I really did think I was pregnant... I psyched myself into it because I was late and because my mother in-law had spent the whole weekend (I was with her on a woman's retreat with our church) praying for a granddaughter... Teh Bear called it, too, which was freaky... He told me that I was thinking about it too much and I was most likely not pregnant... Ten minutes later I started... lol... Mr. Loo and I decided last night that we were fine with a little one and that we may even try for one in the near future if we don't have one now... I really felt all day like I had no one to talk to... When I called one friend, she said she was almost outta minutes so she couldn't talk... then Teh Bear said I call him too much and use up his minutes... on the way to game night I called my mom who was half asleep and my brother sat next to her and did the Charlie Brown teacher voice and made my mom laugh so hard that she forgot I was on the phone with her, I got mad and hung up... then when I went to play Settler's I felt like Teh Bear was getting annoyed cuz I talk too much (he can't stand Pinkie because she talks too much and always wants to be in the center of the conversation/attention so I guess I could understand his frustration because she talked through all of the movie we watched the night before)... Then I came home and Mr. Loo (who hadn't gone to game night because he was tired and has to work earlyish tomorrow) was still awake (grrr....) and when I tried to talk to him he decided that it was now time to sleep... frustration... I really needed to ramble and rant here... I know no one reads this so I can be as angsty as I want neener neener....

Bento Club!!!

Pinkie and I are going to buy Bento supplies very soon and start a Bento club! Inspirations found here, updates to come soon!

Hina-no-Sekku

Happy Girl's Day everyone! Today is Japanese Girl's Day which is traditionally celebrated with decorating ceremonial dolls, hina-Ningyo and having a doll festival.
Me and Pinkie, my Hapa chicka, are celebrating by going out for sushi with some other girlfriends tonight. I would really like to buy a doll, but there are not many stores in the nearby area that would have them, neither are they in my price range. Instead I will reflect on our family doll, the only thing that we still have after the war. I don't know the whole story behind her, but I know that Great Grandma has had her in her house as long as my dad could remember. When Great Grandma passed, my father obtained her. She is dressed in beautiful garments and in a glass box. I spent hours as a little girl longing to take her out of her glass cage, but since Dad had asked me not to, I left her in and gazed through at every detail, many of which escape me now. I can't wait to have a look at her when I go visit home in two weeks.

On Broadway

I am so sad that RENT is coming to an end this year (in 137,173 minutes to be exact) on Broadway! I told my hubby that I really wanted to see it before it cosed on Broadway, he said "we'll see what we can do." I've been a RENThead since 2000 when my drama buddies introduced me to the wonders of the Original Broadway Cast (OBC) recording. I vowed not to go see it until I had seen it on Broadway, cuz that's the way you do it! I cheated a little by watching the movie. But that's just not the same. I really hope I can go! I also want to take my hubby to see Phantom (which I have never seen it either), because he asked his mom to take him for his 13th birthday and she told him that she wouldn't pay for something that would bore him, he has never forgiven her for it lol. He has not seen The Lion King either, and even my brothers have seen it and thought is was "Super sweet!" I want my Broadway experience, and soon... I really hope it can happen. On a lighter note, I am going to go see Wicked in LA next month! I am super stoked about that! Me and my mama (who is my show buddy) are going on March 18th at the Pantages Theatre (where I saw the Lion King). So exciting! This is what I wrote about it for a speech class (I am doing an informative speech about Wicked because I am using it as a listening event for the class as well).

I have always been a fan of musicals. I started listening to them in the form of Disney movies (The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, and the writer Steven Schwartz’ Pocahontas) compulsively and memorizing the lyrics and moves so I could “perform” them on the playground with my friends. In middle school, I was really introduced to stage acting with William Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” (which has a campy musical retelling in the 2001 movie “Get Over It” starring Kirsten Dunst – I also watched this compulsively). In High School, I worked my way up the social ladder that was our drama department; starting as a backstage hand, or cockroach, then understudy, then finally getting on stage my senior year. All the years of being involved exposed me to many shows through our director, but mostly through the other students. I was introduced to RENT, which star’s Wicked’s OBC Elphaba, Idina Menzel, when I was a sophomore in 2000. I fell in love with her big voice, I even used one of her songs as an audition piece (no one told me that using RENT for auditions is a big no no in the biz until it was too late, no wonder I never made lead). I picked up Gregory Maguire’s novel shortly after it hit the shelves and was torn in my feelings about it since I had read all of the original OZ books, by Frank L. Baum as a child, it won me over eventually. One of my students when I was an intern in 2003 begged the musical director to send her sheet music to “Popular” after seeing it with her parents the previous month in New York, he surprisingly obliged and I have it in my music portfolio. She performed it for her 8^th grade Musical Review. Last spring, my roommate took our mutual best friend with her to New York (oh was I mad, but I couldn’t afford to go with them because I was getting married a few months later) and they saw Wicked. They were kind enough to bring me back the soundtrack and a poster from New York. I have been listening to it since and can’t wait to see it with my mom next month! My mom (who lives in LA) is taking me as a 24^th birthday present, we love going to Broadway shows together. We have seen Beauty and the Beast, Swing!, Mamma Mia!, and The Lion King together all in LA.

Crazy Crazy Crazy

So after a drama filled weekend involving the military police, the local Sheriff's and a .45 colt, Chinchie and her boyfriend, the Schwartz, are temporarily living in my apartment. He is really the one who needs a place to stay, but since she is my pal, I have no prob letting her stay too. At the moment, since he is still in the job hunting process, he is paying us in free weight training (we have to get a gym membership before it can really get down to business). That is why I call him the Schwartz. It's fun having more people here, but we are trying to keep it from my mother in-law because we know she would really not approve. I have them in the living room, but hopefully I will be able to clear enough room for them in the second bedroom which is currently piled with loads of stuff that we need to sort through and our cat box (stinky pew). That is my project for the week. Pray for us!

Social Networking at its lamest...

I originally liked the concept of MySpace, then it got overrun with adds, so I switched to facebook, and now that is overrun by stupid apps. I don't like that my husbands ex-girlfriend can contact me on MySpace even when I have not made her a friend. I do however like that she can see all of our beautiful wedding pics. Not gonna lie. I just don't like that no one takes the time to call or write real e-mails anymore. If you are not plugged into these sites, you end up missing out on important events because people don't want to spend a little bit of time printing and sending a mailed invitation to an event like a baby shower or bridal shower. But in order to get to these e-invites (and they aren't even delivered to e-mail!) I have to sift through a load of crap to get to them. I think it's stupid and I won't ever use that function myself. I do like that I can take a quick peek into my younger cousins lives (since they enjoy broadcasting them into the internet) and make sure they are not getting into too much trouble (not that I would rat them out, but I would give them a talking to if they were). I think things like sending real invitations and such has become a bit of a lost art and it makes me sad. I say this as my wedding Thank You notes piled up in my spare room make me wish that those were a lost art so I didn't have to write them. Not that I am not thankful, but there are just so many to write and my spaz husband got so excited taking money and gift cards out of the cards he didn't bother to write down who gave us what so I could include that in my note. I am tired an grouchy from a weekend of feeling under the weather and I have a bunch of homework to do for all my classes tomorrow, so I had better be off.

The Ballad of Sweeney Todd

Tobias

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.
His skin was pale and his eye was odd.
He shaved the faces of gentlemen
who never thereafter were heard of again.
He trod a path that few have trod
did Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of fleet street.
He kept a shop in London town.
Of fancy clients and good renown
and what if none of their souls were saved
they went to their maker impecably shaved.
By Sweeney,
by Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of fleet street.

Company

Swing your razor wide!
Sweeney, hold it to the skies.
Freely flows the blood of those who moralize.
His needswere few, his room was bare.
A lavabo and a fancy chair.
A mug of suds, and a leather strop,
an apron, a towel, a pail, and a mop.
For neatness he deserves a nod,
does Sweeney Todd,
the demon barber of Fleet Street.
Inconspicuous Sweeney was,
quick, and quiet and clean he was.
Back of his smile, under his word,
Sweeney heard music that nobody heard.
Sweeney pondered and Sweeney planned,
like a perfect machine he planned,
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney!
Sweeney!

Sweeney Todd

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!

Company

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!

Sweeney Todd

He served a dark and avengeful God!

Company

He served a dark and avengeful God!

Sweeney Todd

What happened then, well that's the play,
and he wouldn't want us to give it away...

Company

Not Sweeney
Not Sweeney Todd
The demon barber of Fleet...
Street...

Attend the Tale of Sweeney Todd

So despite the massive amounts of unrealistically red blood (an artistic choice, I'm sure) and the horrible close ups of slit throats, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street was amazing for many reasons. Number one, it was directed by Tim Burton, god amongst men. Number two, Johnny Depp - singing, granted not a classical trained singer, but impressive to say the very, very least that he kept up with Sondheim, not an easy feat. Number three, the costume designer was 2 time Oscar winner, Colleen Atwood, whose works include Tim Burton's Big Fish, Sleepy Hallow, Mars Attacks!, Ed Wood, and Edward Scissorhands, as well as non Burton, but costuming masterpieces as Memoirs of a Geisha, Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events, Chicago, Beloved, Little Women, and many many more. Number four, the set design reminded me so much of Harry Potter that when I looked up who the Scenic Artist was, I was not surprised to find that it was Nicky Kaill, whose fantastic works include the last three HP movies, I was glad to see that Nicky is also working on the next HP installment. Number five, and staying on the HP kick, three of the supporting characters were from the last HP film; Helena Bonham Carter played Mrs. Lovett (Bellatrix Lestrange in HP) as crazed as she plays Bellatrix, Alan Rickman played Judge Turpin (Severus Snape in HP) just like he plays Snape, and Timothey Spall played the fantastically nasty Beadle Bamford (Peter Pettigrew in HP); I was also super impressed with the young, but strong voices of Ed Sanders (Toby), who is nominated for a Best Young Actor Oscar, and Jamie Campbell Bower (Anthony), this was a first major film for both young actors - best of luck in their upcoming careers! Number six, but probably most important to a Broadway fanatic like myself, music and lyrics by Steven Sondheim were not changed much from the OBC, except of course leaving out a few ensemble , and not having a company to sing said pieces, I especially missed The Ballad of Sweeney Todd (I will post lyrics in their own post). The whole production was fantastic, but I could have done with out the extreme gore, I guess that's why I prefer Broadway (stage productions) to film much of the time, there are things that have to be expressed metaphorically rather than literally, and blood is defiantly one thing that is better left to metaphoric expression in my opinion. Don't take your kids to see it, and avoid it if you are faint of heart/weak of stomach, but if you are an avid horror film viewer (I am obviously not), you will be able to see past the blood and appreciate everything else about the film.

Rocking for the Cure! Relay for Life 2008

On April 5th and 6th, 2008, I will Rock for the Cure at UC Davis! This is my first year doing Relay for Life with my pal Pinkie, who has been doing it for about 3-4 years. Our Team is the Rockstars, and this year we are going to raise money by Rocking for the Cure! I know the night of the Relay we are going to have Rockband and Guitar Hero set up at our campsite to keep people busy and collect extra donations. We are also making cute Purple ribbon sleep shorts and boxers and taking donations for those (I will edit in pics when we have made some). I know that we are sending out support letters and that people can donate on our Personal pages. Visit my Relay for Life page! Does anyone have any ideas on other things we can do to raise funds? I am especially interested in creative ways to ask people for individual support, I don't like asking for money because many of my friends and family members donate money to the many missionaries that our church's (Society of Friend's, or Quaker) send out every year. But this is for cancer research, and that is a great thing to donate money to. I have had some close encounters with cancer in my family: one of grandfathers died from pancriatic cancer in 1991, and one of my grandmothers died after a long battle with multiple myloma in 1996, my mom had a cancerous carcinoma removed from her eye just last year, and my 18 year old brother has battled with a desmoid tumor in his bicep since he was about 16 - it was not officially cancerous but he did have to go through chemo and radiation to get it to shrink and keep it from recurring. In just a few years, cancer research has advanced so much, and it is because of the many donations that have come in from those touched by cancer. I have also recently been really inspired by one little girl, Jenessa "Boey" Byers, to rock for a cure this year. I never met her, but her light shines to anyone who got a glimpse into her life. On December 28th, 2007, "Boey" went home to heaven and her light started shining even brighter as her families episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition aired multiple times on ABC. I saw a rerun of it for the first time in January, but I believe it first aired in October. She was such a fighter. Check out her families website , and see why I am doing Relay for Life this year. I am rocking for Boey! We will help find a cure!

Dorm Room Shu Mai Dumplings

I posted this on the Something Awful Forums in Goons with Spoons, thought I'd share...

Quote: still a child
"So, does anyone have any recipes that can be made using *only* a rice cooker/steamer combo? I would also love to be able to make pasta in this, but I don't know if that's possible. Anyone have creative uses/recipes for rice cookers"

So, I love my rice cooker with steamer basket! My favorite thing to make in the steamer is shu mai dumplings. The starter seasonings cost a little bit more than you would normally pay, but they are delicious, filling, and relatively healthy way to get protein cooked, the ingredients can probably keep for two weeks (if you have a freezer for the meat and onions), plus they are fun to eat.

I have never tried to make them in a dorm room mind you, but let me tell you generally how to make them (I have to edit in the recipe later because I have to get the cookbook from my in-laws house). I will try to keep in mind that you are in your dorm room. A random tool that may help you make food (and is compact) is a small (1.5 cup) inexpensive ($9-$10) food chopper, otherwise you need a knife - can cut a tomato cleanly without it squishing is decent, but you only need one and a strong cutting board - and check school rules for having knives in dorm rooms, wouldn't want you to get the boot for having a "weapon" in your room.

You need a very small amount of ground turkey if you are making dumplings for yourself and maybe one other person. If you have access to a freezer, feel free to get a pound, but otherwise a 1/4 of a lb is good for one or 1/2 a lb is good for two (I think). You will also need salt and pepper (you can buy a picnic pack of salt ond pepper in shakers for less than $5 and they will last you all year, and probably the next) a small bottle of sesame seed oil (found in the ethnic/Asian food aisle of grocery stores), a can of water chestnuts (in the same area as the oil), a small bundle of green onions (produce), and the smallest pkg of raw wonton or dumpling wrappers (I like the round ones, they are usually near the produce in a refrigerated case). All of these things can be found in the same grocery store, but you will pay less for them at an ethnic (Asian) market if you have one near school, be advised that you should understand exactly what you are looking for (hence the links since I don't know how to post pics yet) because there are many variations on these things in ethnic markets.

Basically, you need 2-3 bowls (the biggest cereal bowls you can find would be good, doesn't matter what they are made of as long as they are not paper), three plates (paper is okay - you need one for a prep plate, one for the prepared dumplings, and one to serve/eat on), a can opener, a spoon, and a fork. You need either the food chopper (will make this way easier) or a decent knife and cutting board (this method is much messier).

Open the can of water chestnuts with a can opener and drain the water. Set aside.

In the first bowl, crack an egg, mix it well with the fork, set aside.

If you have the chopper, fill it about halfway with ground turkey, take one sprig of onion and rip it up and put it in the chopper, add about 2 whole water chestnuts or about 6-8 sliced pieces if you bought sliced chestnuts. Add a few drops of the oil, sprinkle salt and pepper and spoon in about 2-3 spoonfuls of the beaten egg. put on the lid and turn it on. Let it run till everything is smooth and mixed up. You should be able to spoon out a clump of the mixture, it should not be runny, if it is add a little bit more turkey at a time until it is not runny. If it is too crumbly, then you can add a little more egg. You can either put the finished mix in a bowl if you are going to make more, or just spoon out of the chopper container.

If you do not have a food chopper, you will have to finely chop the onions and water chestnuts and measure out roughly 3/4 of a cup of turkey and put it all in a bowl. Add a few drops of the oil, sprinkle salt and pepper and spoon in about 2-3 spoonfuls of the beaten egg. It would be better to use your hands, but if you are squeemish about raw meat or are not near a bathroom, use a spoon to mix the stuff up and really mix it well. Again, make sure the mixture is not too crumbly or too runny. You want it to be like a meatball's texture in this case. Roll mini meatballs for each dumpling if it is easier than spooning the right amount into each wrapper.

On one plate, lay out some of the wonton/dumpling wrappers. spoon in a clump of the meat mix and pinch the top closed all around the meat. Transfer to the other plate. When you have formed enough dumplings to fit in your steamer basket, turn it on with some water in the bottom and let it run for about 15 minutes.

While these dumplings are cooking, you can make another batch, because you might want more and the smell will probably attract a few other dormies who will want to try some, you should share, there will be plenty to fill you up. Place the prepped dumplings that are waiting for the steamer on an open plate. When the first set are done cooking take out and enjoy! Place the second set into the steamer while you devour the first set.

Each dumpling is worth one Weight Watchers point (it was a WW recipe that I adapted for your dorming pleasure. This may be a bit of an undertaking, but I found that if I just use up all of the meat I get to fill the wrappers, I have a lot to save. They are better stored uncooked in the fridge and can be cooked within a day or two. They may even be freezable, you would need to cook them a lot longer if they are frozen though.

I like to mix up a little vinegar (if they serve fish and chips on or near campus you can snatch a few packets of vinegar to keep in your room, or pick up a bottle of rice vinegarif you have a couple extra bucks), with a couple of drops of the oil and some soy sauce (also available in packets from the local Chinese take out or you can pick up a bottle of soy sauce for another couple of dollars if you have it, but the sauce is not necessary, just delicious to dip the dumplings in!

I know this is a bit much for everyday eating, but it is fun once in a while and will also feed you for a good 2 days or so depending on how you store the leftover dumplings and products you used. And all you need to cook it in is your rice cooker/steamer!

Foxes are clever and tigers are cunning. So, what's your cat's safety school?

Longer Response to the Random Question on Profile page, because 400 characters is not enough.

Foxes are clever and tigers are cunning. So, what's your cat's safety school?

My cats have no safety school. The will climb anything. Their favorite precarious perch is on top of the narrow computer chair, while someone is in it. They enjoy playing with ant traps, chewing rubber bands, and dragging my husband’s dirty socks and underwear into their litter box when it has not been satisfactorily cleaned. They love to get on top of my table, on my laundry shelf, between my shower curtains while the shower is running, and into any cupboard or closet that is left open for a half of a second. They also like to hog my side of the bed until I am curled up so much onto the hubby's side that he is falling off of the bed. These habits that they have acquired in their less than 1 year of life, have led me to believe that there is no such safety school for cats, they learn by error and that is why they have 9 lives. I am sure they have lost 2 or 3 while being scared to death when my husband rants at them and chases them down with a squirt bottle yelling "Bad bad kitty gets the water", barreling at full speed head first into walls while playing fetch, falling off of the top shelves, and getting thrown off of my bed, table, and anywhere else they are not supposed to be.

ADD is me

Hey, I'm LenaLoo... I am not entirely new to blogging, I have had off and on blogs since around 2002 on different sites, but I am hoping to stick with this one for a bit... I am a newly-wed, and it is amazing... but interesting... I like to cook, but more than that I like to read, watch and think about all things food... I am a Food Network junkie (fav shows are Iron Chef, Next Iron Chef, Good Eats, Dinner: Impossible, DD&D - Guy's Show, Next Food Network Star when it's on, Unwrapped, any of Rachel Ray's shows, but I will watch ANYTHING if it is on FN) and I am a member of Something Awful's Goons With Spoons forum and I LOVE lurking and occasionally posting when I have something good enough to show and tell or have a question... I love film and theater and music of all kinds... A few fave movies: Moulin Rouge, Sleeping Beauty (any Disney animated feature really, but SB is my girl), The Hours, De-Lovely, Spanglish, The Terminal, 10 Things I Hate About You (RIP Heath), Batman movies (I have my faves, but I won't go there yet), Center Stage (almost any cheezy music, dance, theater, or cheer movie is at least watchable to me and many are in my collection), Finding Neverland (anything about Peter Pan, fairies, fantasy), and way to many more to list my entire DVD collection; some more recent in theater recently favs: August Rush, Enchanted, Juno, Atonement... Fave plays/musicals: Secret Garden (Lily Simon version), Oedipus Tyrannous, Antigone, Midsummer Nights Dream, 12th Night, Hamlet, Othello, Wicked (I know the music by heart, but I have not seen it on stage yet - Spring Break in LA I have birthday tickets from mom), RENT (again, still have not had the pleasure of seeing it live, but I have the OBC recording down pact and I quite enjoyed the movie), Jekyll and Hyde, R&H's Cinderella, The Glass Menagerie, Raisin in the Sun, and so many more... A few music faves: John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Vanessa Carlton, Colbie Callet, Aerosmith, Queen, Uncle Cracker, Smashmouth, KT Tunstall, Rebecca St. James, Mat Kearney, Pat Monahan, Train, Steven Curtis Chapman, Shawn McDonald, PAX 217 and a whole lot more... We have two little black kitties, they are named after Kingdom Hearts characters (which I know were Final Fantesy characters first), Riku ("Boy Cat") and Kyrie ("Girl Cat") and I love them to death... My husband, we shall call him "Mr. Loo", is an avid gamer, anime enthusiast, and a sci-fi lover, so I occasionally dabble in such things (I play WoW with him, for example, I like Bleachu, and I just started watching Voyager with him, because otherwise I would be sitting alone on the computer while he watches it with our friend every Sunday night, and I am ashamed to admit it, but I like it)... I am also kind of a TV junkie - I will watch just about anything if it is on at the time, but my favorites and guilty plesures (besides FN shows) are: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, House, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Little People Big World, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Gossip Girl (my newest craze - I have a season pass from iTunes and I watch them on my iPod Touch) The OC (on DVD and reruns on Soap Network), the occasional season of Buffy (but only with the former roomie, I'll call her CareBear, because she hates it!), Sopranos (sometimes, usually when I am at the grand in-laws; I will call them The Nana and The Papa; they are Mr.Loo's grandparents, but we are very close and I don't have any living grandparents, so there should be no confusion), the odd Desperate Housewives (I watch the first couple of seasons and fizzled, but from what I have seen of this season I want to catch up) and LOST (have only watched Seasons 1 and half of 2, but I think I will get caught up eventually)... I am also a bit of a recovering shopaholic (I am not kidding, I should be following a 12 step program!), a recovering anorectic (once one, always one, but I try extremely hard to verge away from that, or even usually talking about it unless I am having a tough time with it like I am kind of now), a recovering insomniac (not doing so good on that one either, I have not yet gone to bed), and sufferer of ADD (diagnosed, but trying to cope with the label when it has been my life)... I have had many different jobs, never quite lasting even a year (I get bored and quit after about 3 months with many of them), my most recent was as a sales rep for T-Mobile corporate in a kiosk in a very haughty mall (I quit in the middle of January after a stressful holiday season, , I was one month short of my one year mark, the longest job I have ever held)... At the moment, since I am between jobs, I am taking a full time set of classes at my local JC, in my last semester before transfer (I am at my 5th college in 6 year - since 2002) to a State University, I am studying to become a teacher (please don't judge my teaching merits based on my rambling, ranting, raving blog) and this semester I have some really great classes: Concert Choir, The Communication Experience, Structure of English, Tutoring Elementry Students in Reading, and Argumentative Writing - I am having a blast in all of them... I will probably got back to my previous part time job at Bath and Body works which is in a plaza that is very close to my apartment and when the say part time they mean like 5-10 hours a week if you are lucky (ironically I quit that job because I could not get enoughhours, and I quit T-mobile because I had too many)... I have 4 great gal pals that I hang out with when I need girl time (Mr.Loo and I can be homebodies much of the time) all 4 of them were in my wedding, along with my younger cousin (I will call her "Rosie" if I talk about her) and my former University roomie (I shall call her "Bunny," I met her in 2004 when I did one year at a private Christian University that I left after 1 year beacause I decided to move 800 miles North to the city Mr.Loo live in because we wanted to date, but did not want to do the long distance thing - it was a wise decision, but I miss home, we may be going back to my home area when I transfer in the Fall) wow - ADD moment, sorry, going back to my 4 gal pals there is "CareBear" (who I lived with for almost a year before I got married and also worked with at B&BW where she still works), "LooFree" (like Loofreebush from Miss Congeniality - one of her "favorite" movies, I lived with her and her family the first 3 or 4 months after moving up north, she is more like my sistafriend then a roomie, she was my Maid of Honor), "Pinkie" (my shopping and partying buddy, we have a saying "No TMI between Pinkie and I" we spill our guts to each other and are super BRUTELEY honest with each other, and she has intro'd me to her whole cirlce of friends who are so my kind of people, so I hang out with her a lot when I want to see all of them), and last but certainly not least "Chinchie" (as in Chinchilla, I know super weird, but that is what I have called her since she was a freshman in High School when I was a Senior; she moved up North like a month before I did and now she actually even lives in my apartment complex, we are old pals and good drinking buddies :P, even when we haven't talked or hung out in days, months, even years in one case, we can pick up where we left off like hardly any time has passed)... My blog title came from two things, Moulin Rouge and "Stalking the Green Fairy and Other Fantastic Adventures in Food and Drink" by James Villas... I have not yet found the elusive fae vert (absinthe), but when I do finally, I will be all over it... I am a love her or hate her kind of girl... So choose, and then don't complain about what I write or the way I write... please... I am not going to categorize my blog into any one thing, but my posts will usually have something to do with one of the things I have mentioned here in this first post... This is my vent spot, my food spot, my need to talk to people outside of my core circle spot, so feel free to respond and link, I would love to see what other people (especially those who can stand to read what I write) have to say about things in their own spots... Happy reading and happy writing!

Wedded Bliss

Well, the wedding is done and over with and we are now 2 months into being happily wed... Not to say it hasn't been a big adjustment for both of us... Toby just got an official 40 hour position, which means I get to stop working for our benefits and focus on school full time while working somewhere part time. I'd like to work for a school district or a private school somewhere close to home. Maybe I'll apply at Grace and Karen's old school, it's right up the street. Toby and I are going out to celebrate his promotion tonight before the first meeting of our new bible study. We have plans to attend another study as well on building a healthy marriage. I think it will be really good for us.

Change of plans

I'm on my own now with the wedding plans... I got into it with Toby's mom for the last time... I think I just need to finish this on my own, or hire a professional to do this for me. I need to find a florist because Erin's gal flaked out. We took engagment pics the other day... I can't wait to see how they came out!

Getting closer...

So I got the invites, and now Erin's working on addressing them... we're going to go get my veil tomorrow... I'm pretty sure I know which one I want... I hope it will get here in time... I'm suck a slacker... I wanted to clean the house before Karen got home, but it didn't happen and it's still a mess... All I need now is to book the florist (Erin has one for me) and my hair stylist... should be easy... I'm tired... I go to bed now...

Relief

So today I met with a friend of mine who has agreed to help me coordinate my wedding... I feel much better now that I don't have 6 million calls to make... She's got my ideas and is going to help me execute them into reality :). SO much weight off my shoulders... Now I'm off to register at Macy's... Lord be with me!

Planning sucks...

This is supposed to be the best part, right? Planning, picking, and choosing just the right stuff for the big day... Why am I back to felling blah about it??? I need someone to help me coordinate all this, because I am in way over my head... I just want to play WoW on my day off... not spend the day looking for fabric... blah...

Meh

The job is good... But I am tired... No time for Wedding plans... No time for WoW... No time for anything... And the diet is defenitly not happening right now... I need it to happen... Bad...

Balance

So I just joined Sparkpeople.com. It's like Weight Watchers without the points, but it's free and it's all online... I like it a lot... I even found a group that plays WoW :)

I didn't go to bed before 3am (it was more like 4:30am) and I didn't get up before noon (try 2) :( but I'm going to keep trying. I start work on Monday so I need to get my sleep in this weekend. I feel really sick right now... Migraine and I think a touch of food poisioning (note to self: never eat the leftovers that were not put in the fridge for hours)... Blah... Trying not to throw up here...

I think it's okay to skip the gym today if I'm feeling barfy... I'm going to play Wow :)

A new take...

I have been feeling down in the dumps for a while now... Not really sure how married life in Sacramento would treat me... But as of late I have come to the conclusion that I should take life as it comes and be happy in the little moments it brings me...

• My fiance is amazing!
• I got a new job!
  
• I have my dress... It is beautiful - and it fits! In fact, it's just a bit big ::smiles::
• We ordered Toby's ring tonight... It's nice to give him some of the attention for a change...
• I have been going to the gym for two days in a row now... let's keep 'em coming!
• I think I am finally allowing myself to heal from the big bad uglies that brought me to Sacto in the first place (Thanks Deanna)
• Did I mention I got a new job??? This means a new car!!! :D

I am also working on a few key things that I could use some support on...

• Working out for at least 30 mins a day and eating better...
• Not biting my nails! (I think I'm going to have to post pics to make me stop ::cringe::)
• Restarting our pre-marriage meetings with pastor Jim...
• Cleaning up my messy apartment before I start work on Monday (anyone feel like keeping me company - really, that's all it takes!)
• Going to bed before 3 am and getting up before 12pm... Shoot I guess I better get going on that...

Accountability

Tonight after Bible study (which was awesome for me for the first time in a long time) Toby and I sat down and talked about our intimacy issue (we get a little too lovey dovey hubby wifey, especially right now because I'm staying with his family until I can find a job and another apartment). We committed to some pretty strict standards with a VERY harsh consequence (no kisses, not even a peck) if we slip up AT ALL. We realize that even though we didn't ask for the circumstances we're in directly (I didn't quit my job when he was changing his, I got fired) we need to work through the challenge set before us. I'm actively looking for a job, ANY job, and either he or I (him if he finds a roommate before I find a job and vice versa) will be moving into an apartment, with again, very strict standards and rules. Neither of us wants to lose the privillage of being able to kiss each other, but if that's what it takes then that is what it takes. We're going to call Mike and Deanna and ask them to hold us accountable for this commitment ASAP, but I would like those of you who read this to hold us accountable as well in confidence. I know we can do this and will do this... We have the rest of our lives to be together...

Katie, Cake, and Carmel Apple Pops...

Today was awesome... I hung out with one of my bridesmaids, Katie, who is quickly becoming one of my closest friends, this morning. We went out for lunch and chitchat. She's so great (I know you're probably reading this, but I don't care :-P), one of those friends who always knows what to say and remembers/thinks of things that are perfect for the moment. When we were eating, we were talking about when we first met (planning Toby's birthday party). She came with me on a whim to pick up supplies at WalMart with Mark and Adam Healton (LoL). We found out that we have tons of random stuff in common! Anyways, while we were shopping, I insisted on buying a big bag of Carmel Apple Lollipops and told her about when Toby and I first met. He was 14 and I was 16(ish) when we met at Quaker Meadow camp. He developed a little crush on me over the course of the week and on the second to last day we were there he bought me a whole box of Carmel Apple Pops (which were one of my favorites) to "share with the girls" (including my maid of honor, Grace). To date one of the sweetest thing ever done for me :). Katie remembered this little story today while we were having lunch and said that we should have Carmel Apple Pops on all of the tables and that Grace could share this story in her toast (with which we'll raise the Pops to instead of champange - dry wedding and all). Now how perfectly cute is that?!? I would have never thought to do something like that in a million years! We also went to Ettore's bakery to try a slice of Green Marzipan covered Princess Torte (by far the best cake I've ever tasted) and to get a business card to schedule a cake tasting. I told her I'm giving Toby most of the reigns on cake flavor (I've already picked the design) but we decided that even if he doesn't pick Princess Torte for the wedding cake (or even go with Ettore's - muy expensivo) we'll order the Green Marzipan round for the bridal shower (It's a perfect polka dot!). Mmmm... cake...

Finally

We have an official date, July 15, 2007. We booked the Croation American Cultural Center this morning... Sucess! Now I can really get the ball rolling... My next step is choosing the Save-the- Dates and getting my mailing list together to get them sent out...

P.S.

At the moment I would rather plan my wedding then level my Shaman... :)

Rollin...

Okay, the ball that I thought had compleatly stopped is now on the roll again... We are finally going to book our place on Wednesday! My parents came up on Saturday and we went rafting on Sunday down the American River... Nice and relaxing... After a "future in-law" BBQ we decided to meet with the owner of the Croation American Cultural Center (no, neither of us are in the least bit Croation)... Since all of the Saturdays for the entirety of next summer are already booked, we decided there was nothing stopping us from having the wedding in July... We are going for July 15 or 22 (both Sundays) in the evening... Should be nice... I'm all excited again! Went and bought 2 more magazines that I've been wanting for a while... I have my place, my officiant, a good portion of my guest list written and approved by mom, my bridesmaids dresses roughly picked out, and a cake design, even the menu is roughly decided on... My cousin is getting married in November and his fiance was surprised at how much I've decided and planned already... I'm an impulsive type of person and tend to lean towards my first impulse... The Croation Center is the only place I looked at, but I love it and I know it will be beautiful...

Tears

It's very hard for me to be up here away from my family and friends... Especially when I see that their lives are still full even without me... It makes me feel so very empty... I have so many pipe dreams in my head that I lose track of reality... I can't even go onto myspace without crying... When will my life feel full again? When I'm married? When I finally meet some people that can put up with me and have time to hang out? I miss my roomie Dani like a crazy person... By the way things sound, she's planning a wedding too, for May '07... Hope you'll still have time for mine my Dano... I feel so silly and insignificant right now, but why? I should be happy, but there's this big chunk missing from inside... I hope I figure it out soon because I'm pretty miserable right now...